I won't but i will
by Miss I DON'T know it all
Summary: "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I just swear that I won't. Except it's her, I can't say no to her." Faberry, with a heavy dose of Quinntana and mentions Brittana. It's femmeslash, vamp stuff, set in the future after college. Don't like? Don't read. continued upon request. First published story ever, be kind please ; on hiatus. If anyone wants to Beta, PM me.
1. I won't

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I want to cry, but I hate crying. I want to scream but my throat just closes up and refuses to let any sound come out. I can feel the walls closing in on me. A cold iron hand has a vice grip on my heart and I can feel my blood pulsing through my fingertips. My heart is pounding in my ears and the never ending drum smashes on my brains like a sledgehammer to the steady rhythm of the pacemaker in my body. I hate this.

I was fine two second sago. Perfectly fine even. I was sitting on my bed, quietly reading some book I can't even remember the title of right now, just minding my own business. I didn't ask for this. Whatever this was. I was okay with being emotionally distant, or handicapped as my shrink likes to tell me. I certainly never asked for emotions before so I definnatly do not want them now. I raise my head up to the ceiling. The beautiful and untainted white is just cruel now.

"CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

I scream, my voice finally gaining control over my throat. I sound hoarse, it was trembling, scared. I know i am. And i hate it. What the fuck is going on?

"FUCK OFF!"

I scream again. My voice is already tired and raspy. My fists are clenched and my knuckles are whiter than snow against my already pale skin. Red angry marks are running around them. My entire stance is tensed up. I'm so wired up that if you'd touch me I'd lash out, in who knows what way.

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I'm begging now. I don't know how i fell to the ground but here i am, on my knees. The strength and anger that was cursing through me has left my body and it seems all i have left in me is pain and despair. Oh, how pathetic i must look. My short blonde hair messy and filled with knots from raking my hands through it in anguish and rage. My cheeks must be a horrible pale that doesn't have the pearly glow it used to. The bones are probably pressing into my skin, barely any muscle left. I know I'm at the end of my rope here. But i refuse. I just refuse to accept it. I just want to go back to reading my book, not giving a damn about anything or anyone, not even myself.

"I won't."

It's a whisper. I won't do it. Even though my body craves for it, it needs the energy that comes from it but i just can't get it past my lips. I can't open my mouth and let it slide over my tongue, down my throat. I just can't swallow it. So i won't.

Three days had that boy said. But it's been three months already and I'm still here. Three days without drinking it and I'll be dead. Forever gone.

But I'm not.

I just want it all to stop and i open my mouth to beg for death when i hear an angelic voice that makes the pounding soften just a little. I smell an incredible sweet and addictive scent. It makes my hairs go stand upright and my eyes shine with new life. My muscles contract and tremble, my fists unclench. As i slowly turn my head to see who was standing at my doorframe i feel a pang go through my chest, a strike of willpower so to speak. I suddenly don't feel like dying. I suddenly have the urge to drink. And even though I've been tempted before, it's never felt quite like this.

"Oh my god! Are you alright? What happened to you? Have you been sick? Have you even eaten anything at all these past days?"

Before I can blink I'm cradled into soft and strong arms. My body is pressed against hers and i can feel her warmth bringing me back to the land of the living. My mind that was foggy seems to clear right up. It's like I've been drunk all this time and now I've started to sober up. Then i feel soft hands against my cheeks as she lifts my face to meet her stare. I drown in pools of brown.

"You're completely dehydrated! They said something was up with you, that you'd been sick for a while now but i had no idea…Why haven't you gotten help?"

I listened but i can't remember a word of what she just said. I just can't believe what I'm seeing right now. I can't believe it even though it's right here, in front of me.

The girl I hadn't seen in over four years.

The girl that had broken off our friendship when i told her i didn't just love her as a friend.

The girl who said yes to Finn Hudson. Again.

The girl who broke my heart.

That's when i know, i lost my humanity.

When my fangs slid out and I plunged them into her neck, deeply. Sucking her blood into my system. It was unlike anything I had ever tasted before. It was pure and utter bliss.

The girl I had never been able to say no to.

Rachel Barbra Berry.


	2. She's back

**Hey guys, thank you so much for your kind reviews. Since some of you requested that i continue, here is chapter two. It explains a bit how Quinn became what she is. I would also like to say that i will be using Vampire Diaries as one of the many inspirations to base my vamps on but i must say there will be some elements from twilight ( only the cool power thingies though); traditional vamp mythology and some of my own ideas and fantasies used as well. Please enjoy!_  
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**Last time on: " I won't but I will":

_When my fangs slid out and I plunged them into her neck, deeply. Sucking her blood into my system. It was unlike anything I had ever tasted before. It was pure and utter bliss._

_The girl I had never been able to say no to._

_Rachel Barbra Berry._

As her delicious blood slid down my throat I could feel her initiate resistance. Her arms were trying to push me away, frantically scratching my back and trying to push me off of her but she couldn't make me. There was no strength that she possessed that could ever rival my own. I could feel the life getting drained out of her and into me. My muscles had strength again, my heartbeat was steady and slow, oh way to slow for any normal human body to survive but enough to keep the venom going as it spread through my body. It infected every fibre of my being and instead of sucking the life out of it like it had before, it now restored it and maximized it to its full glory.

I was so caught up in my feeding that I hadn't noticed how her struggles became weaker until her arms dangled limp and her eyes were closing. I could feel her breathing become more shallow and her heart rate was rapidly dropping. The blood didn't run through her veins at the speed it did ten seconds ago. I shouldn't have cared at all, she was just a mere human. I could hear the nagging voice telling me to keep on sucking, to drain her, to feed on her till she ran out of blood but the biggest part of me, god knows why, screamed for me to stop. And with big wide eyes and a panic in my heart I immediately reeled in my fangs. I pulled back and watched as little drops of blood bubbled at the surface of two clear puncture wounds. Before I even had time to realize what I had done, what this meant, I had scooped her up in my arms and laid her on my bed. I was in full panic mode. My entire body froze, the hairs on the back of my neck rising and goose bumps showing themselves on my skin. Frustrated I ran my hands through my short, messy, blonde hair and tried to come up with something. I needed to fix this. I needed to save her. Or I would never forgive myself.

I felt the need to lick her neck again and I felt disgusted at myself. I groaned in anguish and raked through every memory I still had from the life altering experience i had had a few months ago.

_I was just on my way home from my favourite book cafe a couple of blocks away from my apartment. I enjoyed going there every night to catch up on some reading. Whether I was in the mood for some light reading or some more hard-core biographies or case studies, I had never not found exactly what I was looking for. The guy who owned the place was near his fifties and a very pleasant man. Often he would look at me as I walked in and take me to the back where he kept his 'new arrivals'. I never understood why he did that, he just told me I was a special one and special ones deserve special treatment. I had always figured he was talking about my beauty._

_Although I did grow slightly larger hips I was still the same blonde haired, hazel eyed beauty from high school. No matter how much alcohol or junk food I consumed during college, I kept the work outs strict enough to make sure I still had that firm, cheerleading body I was so known for. I would never ever turn back into Lucy Caboosy. I remember shuddering at the thought of it._

_Anyway as I was slowly strolling down the street, listening to my ipod, someone snatched me from my left side into a dark ally. I know, I know. Cliché right? Except that it wasn't scary or anything. I felt strangely calm and safe even though a stranger was staring me in the eyes. He was handsome from what i could tell. He had his rough hand pressed to my mouth to ensure I wouldn't start screaming but I honestly had no fear of him what so ever. It didn't occur to me at that moment that he was no doubt there to do me no good but I trusted him. I still feel like I trust him. _

_Even though seconds later I felt razorblades nipping at my skin in the crook of my neck. I tried to fight him, to scream, to do anything at all but I couldn't since I still felt strangely calm and safe. My mind however stored every bit of footage away inside my memories to be able to remember this moment. If I were to ever survive._

_My body began to feel weaker, slowly I could feel the life being sucked out of me. It was leaving me through the holes in my neck where the man, if I could even call him that, was sucking the hell out of me. It even seemed as if it was never going to stop and I could feel my eyelids drooping, my breathing slowing and becoming more shallow as the seconds passed by._

_All of a sudden it did stop and in a flash I saw the creature take a step back. Completely drained fo life I fell to the ground like a lifeless sack of potatoes. Oh how elegant I must've looked then. I could feel myself slipping in and out of subconscious but right before my world turned black I could feel something pushing against my lips. The stench of metal was attacking me through my nose and I immediately fought back with the strength I still had left. Since the calmness had now forsaken me, there was a small thread of panic that was making me fight whatever else he had planned for me. But I was too weak. I could feel the liquid being pushed into my mouth as it slid down my throat. I tried to spit it out but the man pinched my nose which made me swallow the liquid in order to breathe. I recognized the taste like I would recognize peanut butter. It was blood._

_I felt sick to my stomach, wondering why I had fallen to the hands of this psychopath. I never seemed to get to be happy, did i? I cried a silent tear as my eyelids were fighting to stay open. I watched as he stepped back, a look of sorrow and guilt featured on his face. His brown hair perfectly cut, blowing in the wind. All I really remembered was his outshining beauty. The pearly white fangs poking out from under his upper lip. The tall and muscular built of his body. The sweet aroma that must be a very expensive perfume of some sort. He was enthrallingly beautiful and I felt myself unable to hate him. He went to crouch by me but a hand on his forearm stopped him from doing so. I saw a quick shift and suddenly I was looking into big brown eyes. They shifted quickly to my neck and when their stare was back to my face the eyes were blood red. As I looked more closely, since I could feel myself slipping further and further away, I saw the face of a little boy. He must've been about ten years old, tops. His lips moved to my ear as his soft little palms cupped my cheeks in reassurance._

"_You have a choice dear woman."_

_I could hardly fathom what he was saying as I could feel myself slipping out of it again._

"_If you choose not to feed, not to drink any human blood you will come to pass after three days? I promise."_

_I was completely sure that I was losing it and my mind was hallucinating because of the blood loss._

"_But if you were to drink, you have to call for me. I will help you."_

_The boy pulled back from me and stood about two steps away. He looked at me with pity and shook his head at the man behind him._

_**I'm sorry.**_

_It wasn't my thought, I knew that for sure. It felt as if it was pushed inside my mind for some reason. All I could think was wishing for it to finally be over. As I felt strong hands clasp around my neck in a headlock, one final snap and all I was left with was darkness._

The next thing I knew I woke up in my bed the next morning with a pounding headache and an undeniable thirst. I must've replayed this scene over a hundred times, trying to find out what was wrong with me. It didn't need much fantasy. I was a vampire. Or becoming one at least. All I knew was that I wasn't going to drink that damn blood. The boy did say I had a choice.

I suddenly turned my head towards Rachel, lying on my bed. I could feel how her lungs were getting ready for her last breath. I suddenly acted on instinct. I climbed on top of her and let my fangs come out to play. I ripped my wrist open with my teeth and watched the wine coloured blood flood out of the wound I had fabricated. I forced her lips apart and let the blood drop into her mouth. I lifted her head to a much more easier angle to let it slide down her throat. Suddenly her eyes shot wide open and I could feel her starting to struggle against my iron grip. But I wouldn't let go until I was sure she would be fine. Well not really fine, I mean who would be fine after almost dying, but I needed to make sure her body was back in the land of the living. I needed to watch her come back to me.

"What the actual _fuck_?"

I had never heard her swear before and even though the situation was not even remotely funny I had to laugh. I laughed so hard I threw my head back.

She was back.

I had brought her back.


	3. I need help

**Hey guys, thank you so much for your reviews! They mean the world to me. It's the first time i've ever done this so if you have some tips or requests just let me know okay? Anyway, this time we've got some faberry interaction as requested and some humor too just to light up a little after the last two chapters. I have more angst in my mind for the next one so enjoy while you still can! **_  
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****Last time on "I won't but i will" :

_"What the actual __fuck__?"_

_I had never heard her swear before and even though the situation was not even remotely funny I had to laugh. I laughed so hard I threw my head back._

_She was back._

_I had brought her back._

_...  
_

I couldn't control myself as i rolled off of her on my bed. I hadn't felt this relieved in such a long time. In fact, i hadn't really felt anything in a very long time. I could feel all of the repressed emotions crawling up my skin and i cried and laughed and screamed all at once. It was hilarious. I had to try and suck someone dry before I'd realise i was not very good at not caring about anyone after all. At least not when Rachel Berry was around.

"Why are you laughing? Do you think this is _funny_?"

She had promptly propped herself up on one elbow and looked me straight in the eyes. Or at least she tried to but i couldn't seem to keep them open 'because i was still laughing my ass of like a lunatic. I must've definitely looked like a right nut, I mean I did just almost kill her but I couldn't stop.

"Have you gone _mad_? Is that what this is?"

She rose from the bed and took long, quick strides to the door. I thought she was going to leave. Any sane person would try and escape from the person who had tried to kill them, but as she closed the door and leaned against it with her back, her eyebrows in a frown and a scowl on her face, I just knew what she was after. I propped myself up on both elbows and looked her straight in the eye.

"Why don't you tell me?"

That did the trick. She exploded with anger and moved to stand behind my bed, glaring deadly and both of her hands placed forcefully on her hips. Huffing every other second she'd send a death glare in my direction. She wanted answers. I could tell.

But my body had other intentions than my mind did. I could feel the inner venom spreading, the thing in me coming to life once again. This time though, it wasn't blood thirst. I was hungry for something else. I groaned in frustration, now was definitely not the right time for those kind of thoughts. I clenched my legs together just in case. I shook my head and tried to clear my mind but somehow it was all jumbled now. So many things were passing through it. Seconds ago, in my moment of terror, it had been as clear as a crystal ball but now it was filled up to its limit with thoughts and feelings. I felt like exploding just at the thought of having to go through these motions. And to top it off I'd had to go through it with her in the room.

I knew what she was after; she always wanted to know everything. But I didn't have anything to give to her. I didn't even got it myself what was going on with me. I could feel my skin tingling and somehow it was a bit stronger at the back of my neck, like a signal to tell me a human was near. I don't know why I knew that but it just popped into my head on instinct. And apparently that instinct was correct because there was a human near me. A very angry human. One that wanted answers.

"I walked in here to have you sitting there..."

She pointed to the spot I had kneeled in despair minutes prior to this whole ordeal and continued in a tight voice which raised an octave or two.

"..on your knees, looking as if you had been sick for _ages_. You were mere skin over bones when I held you! You looked as if you were close to dying. DYING, Quinn! Do you know what that's like?"

I felt a pang of guilt shoot through my heart until I realised, she had no right to be worried about me. She was the one who broke it off! She was the one who had hurt me!

"To die? Yeah, I know what that's like Berry and guess what it isn't _fun_."

Her eyes were wide with shock as pulled myself up in a sitting position while leaning back on my arms to support my weight. I must've done it in less than I second and I realised in that instant I had gained quite an amount of speed as well as the weird tingling and the definite strength in my muscles. I made a note to investigate it further once I had dealt with this.

"I..I.. Quinn, how? When? I mean.. But you're here so that means you like... died for a second? Did you get operated or something? Died on an operating table? Is that what you're saying?"

I chuckled darkly. I didn't know how much I was going to tell her. I just knew it wasn't going to be everything. I knew she wanted answers, I knew very well she needed them or she wouldn't be able to function. So I decided to give her enough information to make her toss and sleep at night, but not enough to figure it all out.

She shouldn't have come in the first place.

"No. I didn't get operated. I didn't die on some fucking _table_ Berry. I _died_, in a dark and shadowy ally not too far from my apartment. What a cliché huh?"

I watched as she took a few steps back. I suddenly realised why. I could feel the venom triggering me, pushing to the surface and my fangs were already out to play again. Darkness seemed to cloud my mind. A sick, sweet pleasure was slowly creeping up on me. I felt like a predator getting ready to attack its prey. It seemed as if I had no control over my body anymore. My little hairs stood upright at the back of my neck, my muscles tensed and my heart slowed in anticipation. I inhaled her sweet strawberry shampoo and just felt the disgusting urge to plunge my teeth into that deliciously smooth skin again. To plunge them in deep, force my way inside her body. I wanted to bite her; I wanted to suck her blood and lick at her wounds, lap up all of that delicious juice. I could see the images flashing before my eyes. Her succumbed to my will. Finally I'd be the one in control. I'd have her at my mercy. I could do whatever I wanted with her. I'd _own_ her.

Except that I wouldn't. There was a small silver rope, so to speak, a thin straw of humanity that gave me the opportunity to reel it all back in. And since I almost sucked her dry last time, I started focusing on pulling it back. It hurt to go against my body's wishes but I had to. I closed my eyes and pinched my nose. I made the fangs go back in and I tried to calm my muscles while rubbing my hands on my legs to stop them from trembling. I was clinging to that silver rope as if my life depended on it and tried to clear the clouds, I had to push so hard to get back to who I was. To feel as If I owned my own mind again. It was draining me but it all happened in less than a minute. I could still feel it pulling, resisting my will but I was stronger. _Mind over body_, I thought, _mind over body_. I opened my eyes and looked at her with a blank expression, eyes hard and unyielding.

"Now if you'll excuse me.." I sighed. "I would like for you to leave."

I was hoping she'd get the hint and just run the hell out of this place. I had no control over my emotions. As well as I hated her for the pain she caused in me, I still loved her, I would always love her. Even though some part of me found it justified to feed on her and make her pay like the sick monster I now was, there was a bigger part of me, again, that wouldn't ever be okay with hurting her. It was conflicting to say the least. And right now I just didn't have the strength for it.

"LEAVE? Are you kidding me? I'm not leaving you! Not when you're like this I'm not!"

I jumped up from the bed and shifted my renewed body in to place to stand right up in her face as I towered over her. _Oh, so I've grown too_. Or she shrunk. But I figured it wouldn't be the latter.

"Like what? I'm fine."

I stared hard at her chocolate orbs. I ignored the concern swimming in there and focused on the rage. I needed her to leave. I needed to go and call the boy already. He'd help me he'd said.

"You are NOT fine Quinn. I don't know how you went from looking like you were close to dying to looking like you just walked right out of a doll house looking all perfect and the likes but I can tell you're not fine."

"I don't care what you think Berry. I want you to leave."

"Well I don't care what you want. I'm not going Quinn."

I took another step closer to her and made her move backwards. I kept moving until I had her pressed against the wall across from my bed and kept on staring at her threateningly.

"You will do exactly as I say. Or do you want to get hurt again?"

I spoke very slow, as if speaking to a child and used a false sweet tone of voice just to piss her off._ Oh, yeah, the anger was back_. And this time I was going to use it to my advantage. I snarled at her and bared my teeth. She couldn't do anything but watch as my fangs slid out again. This time it was just for show, I had no intention of hurting her but she didn't need to know that.

But then she did something I didn't expect. Instead of being a scared little prat and running outside the room like any other person would've done by now she looked at me incredulously and then annoyance took over her face. She jabbed a finger in my jest real hard to punctuate every word she angrily hissed.

"You!" Jab. "Bit!" Jab. "Me!"

I was surprised that she only remembered that now. Of course I had bitten her; I had practically sucked her dry for god's sake! In my momentary confusion she started pushing me backwards while still jabbing that finger, pointing it at me. Involuntarily I stepped back. She was not happy.

"You _bit_ me? You _did_! You BIT me!"

She looked extremely offended and stared me right in the eye. Unaware at that moment of what had transpired just moments ago, that I was in fact stronger than the petite singer in front of me I looked at her with slight fear in my eyes. She had the look of a slightly insane person, like a mother lecturing a child. A very insane mother lecturing a very bad, ad child.

"I did."

"How dare you! I want an apology right now!"

Oh, I definitely needed help.


	4. You need to leave, NOW!

Hey guys, sorry you had to wait but i'm in the middle of my finals so i should bes tudying but i just wanted to give you a short chapter to make your wait a bit more bearable. I'm afraid there isn't much fluff in this one, just a sort of link to the next that's coming up i guess. Anyway, enjoy and please tell me what you think!

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Last time on "I won't but i will" :

"_You bit me? You did! You BIT me!"_

_She looked extremely offended and stared me right in the eye. Unaware at that moment of what had transpired just moments ago, that I was in fact stronger than the petite singer in front of me I looked at her with slight fear in my eyes. She had the look of a slightly insane person, like a mother lecturing a child. A very insane mother lecturing a very bad, ad child._

"_I did."_

"_How dare you! I want an apology right now!"_

_Oh, I definitely needed help._

_...  
_

**You are pathetic.**

Well that definitely wasn't my thought. I immediately turned my head towards my window. My neck was tingling, I could feel his presence near me. I wondered if he was in this room but I figured he wasn't or I would've seen him or heard him. _Of course Rachel had been shrieking so he could've slipped passed me._ I looked back at her face and saw the angry red cheeks and the glaring eyes. She was not impressed, I could tell but suddenly she didn't look so threatening anymore. I was a vampire after all, this whole situation had changed. She couldn't act all cute and boss me around anymore. Our dynamic had changed drastically and it wasn't just me being a vampire that caused that.

**Send her away.**

I whipped my head so fast towards the window again that I was close to having a whiplash. _Seriously? He was going to tell me what to do?_ I could feel the outrage settling in myself, I could feel it grow. I was getting angry again. I realised I was getting angry a lot and I wondered if it had anything to do with my turning. It could be. I suddenly understood why he was here. I was a newly transformed fire, I had called for him, I had called for help. And I definitely could use him now. I had so many questions going through my mind.

**That's why I'm here remember. **

**I promised you I would come when you called for me.**

For a second I forgot about the beautiful brunette standing across me from the room looking at me with an incredulous expression plastered on her face. I couldn't seem to turn my head away from the window though, I didn't want to face her anymore. Suddenly I felt a tiredness settling in my bones. I could feel how exhausted I was becoming. These last few hours had been truly killing me. Who was I kidding? The last few months had been slowly killing me. _Bot figuratively and literally, I had been dying._

"Quinn?"

I didn't answer her. I didn't want to. I felt like a whiny little baby, I just wanted to be left alone.

"Quinn?"

I didn't want her here anymore. I didn't want to look at her pretty puppy like eyes. I didn't want to see her beautiful features all scrunched up in a frown. I just wanted her to be gone already. But I knew she wasn't going to leave like that. If she wanted an explanation before, I was sure that she would not move another foot until I gave her some answers right now.

"Fabray! Lucy Quinn Fabray!"

I ignored her, still stuck in my thoughts.

"Damn it answer me LUCY!"

**I think you better calm her down.**

I sighed and looked up to the ceiling before I locked my eyes on her.

"Oh so now I've got your attention do i?"

I hadn't realised she'd come to stand so close to me. I immediately felt my body flaring up. Heat was cursing through me at a rapid speed, the venom was already tingling again, ready to inject itself in my muscles like a silver drug that would shoot this body of mine into action. I could see it unfold in my head. How my fangs would slip out, I would literally jump her and meanwhile my body would get even more lean, even more strong, even more beautiful. I would sink my teeth in her neck again so deep she'd never be able to lose the scars. I'd mark her as mine, suck her dry while my hands would be busy ripping off her clothes and..

**You need to stop right now dear woman. **

**You will lose control if you don't.**

Oh my god! My eyes widened and I stumbled back until I felt the back of my legs hitting the bed. I stared at her face, clearly she had seen how my eyes had darkened and I can imagine how frightened she must've been to see that primal look on my face again. I remember the fear in her eyes when she struggled me. The big wide doe eyes I loved so much. I felt sick all of a sudden and placed a hand on my stomach to quell the nausea.

"What's happening to you Quinn?"

I looked at her with a desperate face. I didn't know exactly what I was going on, I only knew what she knew. I'd bitten her and I'd turned into a vampire. I was dangerous, I wanted to feed on her, fuck her, devour her all at once and the anger I still felt towards her wasn't helping to drown the guilt I found myself bathing in.

"I don't know."

She looked at me with such concern I just felt like I was punched in the gut.

"I can't answer your questions right now. I need to know some answers myself first."

**I can't give you the answers when she is still here.**

She nodded but made no attempt to leave the room.

"You should just.. Just go now all right? Just forget about today, tonight whatever, just.. just go okay?"

I watched her eyes become hard and all the emotion was wiped off her face. It hurt even worse than that concerned expression.

**I will make her forget this, she will never remember this day, I promise you.**

"Don't ever look back Rachel. I mean it, this.." and I pointed at myself while saying it "..is not your precious little _Lucy_ anymore. I'm different now, not that I was ever yours to begin with."

She scoffed at that and closed the distance with angry little steps. When she reached me she pressed herself up against me, both arms gripping the edge of my bed, not giving me a chance to move, to break free although I knew, as did she, that when I called it this time I would be out of her grasp. But curiosity made me freeze up.

**Curiosity killed the cat.**

I blocked the taunting voice out and focused on her almost pitch black eyes. I could smell her arousal pouring out of her in waves and I couldn't control the moan that vibrated deep in my throat. She chuckled darkly.

"_Never _yours huh?"

"Not since the day you said yes to him."

That shut her up. Now she was just looking at me intensely, trying to find something in my face, in my eyes. I knew what she was searching for and I did everything I could not to let it show.

**Switch off you emotions dear miss Fabray, it will help.**

I displayed my disgust and hatred plainly and of course I couldn't deny the lust but that was all she was going to see before I smoothed my face out like a plastic baby doll with a fake smile playing on my lips. I had found the switch he had been talking about. It was easy to find. It hurt to switch it off at first btu then I felt numb. I saw the hurt as she pulled away from me but I refused to let it her see how I cared. I didn't want to care about her. I shouldn't. I felt the switch pushing back up, I hadn't gotten it to be turned off completely apparently. But I still went with it.

"Just go back to your _husband_ Rachel."

I told her with a monotone voice.

"He's probably worried about you."

I saw guilt flash through her eyes followed by annoyance. That only riled me up more.

"Has he called yet?"

I could see her hand reach for her phone but she stopped herself, already knowing the answer I snickered evilly.

"Yeah, I figured."

She looked down to the floor, I could feel the pain rolling off of her in waves but I only felt more angry by it. I was losing control real quick this time. It wasn't going to take long before I finally exploded, the last months, years of pain and hurt finally catching up with me. All the nights I spent alone reading, sipping from my wine, going out to bars having random drunken sex only to feel just as alone as when I entered the place. It was all coming back to me and I felt blinded by rage. I was seeing red now and I knew I had to make her leave. In all my hatred I still loved her, she needed to be safe. And in order for her to be safe she needed to get out.

**That's what I told you five minutes ago dear woman.**

"Why don't you _skype_ him then Rachel?"

I knew it was a low blow from the moment the words left my lips. But I knew it was going to work like a charm. Wide eyes looked up at me, flashing with hurt. It was clearly written on her face.

_How could you?_

I knew she'd remember.


	5. Pick nick on the roof part one

**Hey you guys, sorry for teh wait but i have finally finished my finals and i'm going shopping later for my graduation clothes; Anayway i got up early this morning and wrote a little something for you. It's a flashback in Quinn' POV still, and it's part one of the two concerning the fight they had when rachel broke quinn's heart for good. I didn't have the chance to check for any mistakes os let me know if you spot some! Enjoy! **

**Oh and please review, they make my day!**

Last time on i will but i won't:

"_Why don't you skype him then Rachel?"_

_I knew it was a low blow from the moment the words left my lips. But I knew it was going to work like a charm. Wide eyes looked up at me, flashing with hurt. It was clearly written on her face._

_How could you?_

_I knew she'd remember._

_It was one of those warm nights with a clear blue sky, twinkling with stars right around the end of march. In fact I remembered the date very well, it was the twenty-first of that month. The date was special because it represented the first time I had come down to New York to stay with Rachel for the weekend. We had been skyping nonstop ever since I settled in at Yale. It had started of as a couple of minutes kind of thing. We would just talk about our day an ask each other advice on lots and lots of subjects. I found out Rachel didn't like her new school very much at first, since she got confronted with about twenty thousand Rachels and Kurts all at once but slowly she learned that they weren't all alike, just their dreams were and she found some really 'close companions' as she put it. _

_Somehow over time the calls became longer and more frequent until they had a three hour call every day from five till eight pm. It was funny since it was the only time they had corresponding with each other and Rachel had deemed it a cause of life and death to talk for at least those three hours. During their Skype dates they would either be cooking, making homework, Rachel would be practicing a new song she would have to perform or I would test out her facial expressions on her through the webcam, which was always on. She would give me her critique and not take any less then perfection, which I would sometimes find annoying but helped me land a couple of important roles for my exams in drama. I was ever grateful for her patience and help. In return I'd help her tone down some of her performances, I told her it would impress the judges and sometimes when playing a deep and serious character less could actually be more. I remembered how she squealed when I came online that night, smiling and giggling like a little kid on Christmas morning. She had gotten the part and would feature in this little musical down town one night a week for the next three weeks. It was a small part and a not so famous musical but she had been exhilarated and I just felt my chest swell with pride, while I imagined Rachel on that stage doing her thing._

_We even came to the point where we would sit down together on each side of our laptops and have dinner together. It were the best months of my life and ever since I went to visit Rachel for the first time to attend this big party one of Rachel's friends had organised, I knew that there was no way I could keep these feelings to herself anymore. The little crush I had on Rachel in High School had grown vehemently with all the Skype dates and the numerous occasions when Rachel would come up to New Haven to surprise me or attend a party I had been raving about for weeks. In return I would happily go to New York to surprise Rachel whenever she had a big audition come up and every time we would go out to this little restaurant down in Tribeca and have the most delicious pasta ever, vegan friendly of course. I never failed to bring a bouquet of lilies with me whenever i went to support Rachel's big auditions and Rachel picked up the habit of bringing gardenia's with her when i had landed a role in one of the small unknown film projects around New Haven._

_Flowers became our thing you see, just like having Skype dates and webcam dinners but one night Rachel came home and she looked really upset. My heart ached for her when I saw her tear streaked face on the webcam. I had run out of class early when Rachel had texted me how she was crying and she couldn't stop. I could hear her freaking out even though I was a good distance from her. I could already hear her frantic breaths and her chest rise and fall in panic. I could see for myself how she would freeze up and curl into a little ball. I had seen it all before whenever the auditions didn't go well. I had always held her in my arms, run my fingers through her hair and sang softly to her until she'd calmed down and fell asleep in my arms. I would pick her up and tuck her in and just ly down next until I would fall asleep myself while watching her beautiful angelic face with those silk brown locks spread on the white pillow, her chest rising and falling slowly with every breath she would take and she would look so pretty the only thing I couldn't stop myself from doing was stroking her check with my finger, just once. And she would smile in her sleep._

_The next morning she would always be up and ready cooking breakfast and making heaps and heaps of coffee. She never told me any of her recipes even though I begged for them. She told me I might be a good savoury cook, which I still am, but when it came to sweets and baking she was the queen and I couldn't agree more. I never asked her to make me bacon though, I knew it was against her ideas but somehow she always seemed to have a small portion of bacon in her fridge that I could cook. She'd always get a big hug from me in return with a sweet kiss on the cheek to go with it. I remembered her blush when I did it the first time in my excitement to see bacon in the fridge. I had hugged her from behind and lifted her up in the air so her feet just couldn't touch the ground. She had squealed and giggled in surprise but never made any movement to escape from the hug. When I place a tender kiss on her cheek I could see the colour creeping up to her cheeks starting from the baseline of her neck and I had felt a surge of smugness and arousal pass through me. That's when I knew for sure ii was falling for Rachel, and I was falling fast._

_So when she had texted me around four pm talking about how they had been talking about this romantic script and they had been stargazing from the top of a building and the main characters had been so in love, that she broke down. Rachel told me how she wanted that so much, to have this romantic pic nic on the roof of a building, overlooking new York. She even told me how her own apartment building was perfect for it but she didn't have anyone to do that with. I had consoled her as much as I could before she told me she would head to bed. It was only five pm at that point so I grabbed my jacket, wallet and keys and headed out for the first store in a range of ten miles. I picked up a bottle of champagne, strawberries and figured I would get some sandwiches when I arrived in new York. I took the first train to new York and got out in grand central station. I could hardly believe what I was doing ut it felt so right, doing this, planning this date. I realised this would be the perfect moment to tell her how I felt and I could feel the butterflies swirling In my stomach. So I ran to the subway and got out a couple of blocks from Rachels apartment. I picked up some vegan sandwiches on the way over there from this little deli where I knew Rachel got most of her stuff. I had grabbed an extra salad too and some soy yoghurt and berries. I knew it was her favourite thing to eat late at night, whenever she was upset she would just scoop down buckets an buckets of this stuff. She said it was even better than vegan ice cream, which I found very hard to believe being a Ben & Jerry's lover and all. I stood in front of her apartment block and nervously rubbed my hands on my jeans clad thighs. This was it. The moment I had been waiting for. And I smiled so wide that one of the ladies that came out just shook her head at me and held the door open when she saw the basket filled with all of the stuff I had bought on the way here. I chuckled nervously and thanked the woman when I entered the building. I took the stairs wanting to relieve some of the tension and excitement I was feeling. I finally arrived at her door and knocked. And when she opened the door with a big smile it vanished when she saw my face and I felt my heart drop._

"_Uhm, Hi Quinn.. What are you doing here?"_

_I picked myself up and tried to blow her away with my million dollar smile. I held the basket up and pointed at it._

"_Well, you said you wanted a pic nick on the roof right? So I went out and got allof this tuff I know you like and, uhm, well I figured, we could uhm.."_

_She smiled at my nervousness and I took it as a good sign when she stilled my trembling hands with her own. I immediately calmed down._

"_You came all the way down from New Haven to have a pick nick with me?"_

_I just nodded, to scared for words. I could feel the blush rising to my cheeks._

"_And you bought all of that, just because I was sad and lonely?"_

_She inquired when she lifted my face up to meet her eyes._

_I nodded again, swallowing the lump in my throat._

"_Can I come in?"_

_She sighed and her eyes darted around nervously but she could knew she couldn't keep me standing in the hallway like that so she nodded and stepped aside. When I walked in the living room I saw a laptop on the floor and a glass of wine and a half-eaten meal in front of it. I did a double take, I thought she had said she was going to bed. She scraped her throat and I turned around with a confused expression on my face._

"_I thought you had said you were heading for bed?"_

_That's when I noticed her black tight dress that clung to her body in all the right places, the styled hair and the smoky eyes make up. And the only question going through my mind was:_

_Who did she dress up for?_


	6. Pick nick on the roof part two

**Hey you guys, sorry for the wait but i've een really busy graduating and having one party to attend after another and in between i have had a couple of festivals as well so i haven't been on the computer much lately. Anyway, i hope you like it, this is part two of Quinn's memory so i hope their situation becomes a bit clearer now. Enjoy!**

**Oh and please rate and review, so that i know what you want or liked about this fic!  
**

Last time on "I won't but I will" :

"_I thought you had said you were heading for bed?"_

_That's when I noticed her black tight dress that clung to her body in all the right places, the styled hair and the smoky eyes make up. And the only question going through my mind was:_

_Who did she dress up for?_

I looked at the laptop screen, sitting there in the middle of the now empty living room. I knew she'd just moved, I'd even come down to help her pack up and lift her stuff on my shoulder to climb the stairs all the way up to the tenth floor. I pushed past her and felt the wooden floor crack under the pressure of my heavy footsteps. I was deathly afraid, but i had no idea why. There was just something in the pit of my stomach, telling me that i wasn't going to like whatever i saw.

And suddenly the thing showed me what I had been dreading for longer then I cared to admit. There it was, the first looking empty bedroom on the other side of the computer screen was now filled with enormous, hideous, constipated face that could only belong to one person and one person only: Finn Hudson. He was the only man I'd ever seen that could look so dumb without even trying.

"Quinn?"

I stood there, shocked, rooted to the ground like a forty year old tree was rooted in the grass field.

"_Jesus_, It is you! What are **YOU** doing there with Rachel? _Rachel_? **RACHEL**! What is she doing there with you, should I come sooner or…"

He was cut off by Rachel Berry herself who scurried past me and hushed him, I heard her telling him that she would text him later but that she had to speak with me. I heard his protests and his whines loud and clear even though she was trying to shush him so I wouldn't hear any of it. But it was enough to shatter my heart to bits and pieces. I tried to be optimistic, I tried to keep all the thousands bit and pieces together in my hands so they wouldn't clatter to the ground like broken glass but I felt them slipping through my fingers like sand. I stood there with what must be a shattered look on my face as she approached me like one would a wounded animal. Her arms gently reaching, a pitiful expression on her face and a look of regret, one so strong I would remember it to the end of my days. I knew it, I felt it coming and there was nothing I would e able to do to keep that low from breaking me, breaking me down so small like I never had been before. On instinct my walls rose up and my face became emotionless even though I was slowly dying on the inside with every step she took. When she was practically near me and I felt her fingers gently brush my skin I retreated like an upset lion. Growling slightly from the back of my throat I lifted my arm towards my chest to protect me from her touch as I was sure it would poison me.

"Quinn…"

I retreated even more upon hearing the sound of my name rolling off her tongue. Oh, how I had loved the way it sounded coming from her lips, rolling in the air with her beautiful voice. How I had had to clench my thighs together when I would call her in the morning and she would pick up, her voice still laced with sleep as my name would be pronounced by her raspy bed voice. But now I hated it, I hated the sound of my own name coming from her lips. I felt betrayed.

I squared my shoulders and stood with a straight back as I watched her slowly come to a stop. She must've noticed the difference because I saw the fear and the pain reflected in her eyes. She was hurt that I would do this again, put up these walls after she had tried so hard to break them down.

"So…"

I started with a cold and unwavering voice.

"Finn _Hudson_, huh?"

She looked at me with pleading eyes, begging me to let her explain but she knew better then to open her delicious mouth right now and dare to interrupt me. She knew that whatever I was going to say now, would decide this entire conversation. She knew she could lose me like that in a heartbeat. I could see how she was balling her fists at her side, clenching and unclenching them to keep herself from touching me, grabbing me, holding me, like she had gotten so used to doing.

"What a **nice** surprise!"

She flinched at the mockery in my voice, the cruel monotone way I spoke to her, like I was speaking to a criminal, a convicted murderer I would have to plead against. She could hear the lawyer speaking through my choice of words. This wasn't her dearest Quinn, dare I even say her dorky Lucy, this was a cold and distant professional who was used to keep a strong guard around her all the time.

"Tell me Berry, how long exactly has this been going on?"

The use of her last name angered her immensely, I could see the flames dangling in her eyes, the electricity hung in the air, tension as thick as a knife.

But she didn't answer me.

I felt the anger, the betrayal rising up again, pushing through my façade. The Ice Queen was melting and the HBIC was coming out full force. I two strides towards her and towered over her, my eyes glaring and piercing through her dark chocolate eyes. I wanted her to feel that I could still be this cold, this angry, this bitchy, if I wanted to. And I wanted an answer right now!

"Cat got your tongue?"

I hissed at her. Her eyes widened and she swallowed her fear.

"Two months."

My eyes bulged at the admission.

"He came back from his trip to I_raq _two months ago and he had called me and we started talking and.."

I held up my hand to silence her and cowered back until I felt the cold marble of the bar pressing into my back. I couldn't believe she had been keeping this from me for two months. And all the things that had happened in those two months, all the times she said she was going to bed or she was tired or sick, did she lie to me then to?

I looked at her with disgust and anger before I smoothed my face out again. I tried to keep the emotion out of my voice but I knew it would be to no avail.

"TWO months? _MONTHS_? And you didn't even _think_ to tell me?"

She opened her mouth to speak but I fixed her with a death glare.

"Tell me, honestly, how many times did you lie to me? Huh?"

I could feel her shrinking with every word I spoke, a guilty blush adoring her delicate cheekbones.

"How can I _ever_ trust you again?"

The look on her face was heart breaking, she looked absolutely crestfallen.

"Or did you think I would never find out?"

She shook her head vehemently.

"No, no Quinn, I swear I was going to tell you I swear but i…"

"WHEN?"

I screamed.

"When WERE you going to tell me Rachel? You've had the opportunity to tell me for two WHOLE MONTHS! I don't even care right now that you blew me off _for him_, that you and him are back in touch, that's not even on my mind right now! I'm still stuck on the part where you LIED to me!"

I took a deep breath as I willed the tears in my eyes to keep at bay.

"You _promised_ me you would never do that Rachel."

As I looked at her through a blurry vision I could see the tears rolling down her cheeks, the guilty blush flushing bright red, the pain and self-hatred was obvious in the way she held herself and I wanted to hold her so badly, I wanted to kiss away those tears and whisper reassurances in her ear, after all this still. That's what broke me.

"Are you really that much different from them Rachel? From my parents? My family?"

I could feel my resolve breaking as tears flooded my cheeks.

"Because I thought you were!"

"_Quinn please_, just let me explain how.."

"Explain what exactly Rachel? How you kept something like this from me?"

"It's not **a big deal** Quinn!"

I looked at her with eyes as big as saucers.

"The HELL it isn't!"

I pointed my finger at the computer screen that was now pitch black.

"If it had really been _nothing_, you would have TOLD me! You would have told me and we'd have talked about it maybe made a few jokes about _the military_ and I'd have known and I never said I would've been thrilled about it but I would've **known**!"

"Why?"

That was something I didn't get, something I never expected coming from her.

"Why is it so important to you that we're back in touch?"

I looked at her incredulously.

"You mean apart from the fact that you've been _lying to me_ for two months?"

She shrunk a little when I repeated that part again.

"Are you really that BLIND?"

She looked dumbfounded, like she had no idea what I was talking about.

"Oh _come on_ Rachel! Don't you **dare** tell me this was all one sided!"

I pointed in between us frantically with my right hand, gesturing at this, us, our relationship.

"We've kissed, like what? _Twenty _times by now? Granted most of them were at parties but still! I remember how you kissed me when I came to see you that time when you landed your first role!"

"That was just a peck by the way and I had gotten beside myself with happiness, that **doesn't **count!"

"Are you kidding me Rachel? And what when I had made you those _vegan pancakes_ and came to your bed with them, on a nice plateau with a _red rose_ in a small vase and some fresh orange juice and a **soy latte** from Starbucks? Or how about that time when we were watching that movie and you were snuggled up to me and I was rambling on and on about how Batman was much better than Spiderman and you kissed me then! How about that?"

"That was just to **shut you up**!"

"Are you HEARING yourself right now?"

I barked at her with outrage, I couldn't believe she was denying this! She had kissed me dammit! It had happened, I wasn't imagining this, I wasn't the only one who felt like this was i? Had she really been oblivious all this time? Was she really that _blind_? It couldn't be! I had sent her cards every show she did, I had sent her a bouquet of lilies because I knew it was her favourite flower, I had been nothing but short of a gentleman to her and this night was supposed to be the cherry on the pie.

I pointed angrily towards the basket I had dropped earlier.

"Does _that_ look like a pick nick amongst friends to you?"

She looked at the basket and I could see her face shifting, her eyes became misty and I could literally feel her heart rate speeding up, the goose bumps on her arms were evidence enough to prove that she knew and that she felt it too.

I willed myself to calm down and slowly walked towards her.

"Rachel.."

I turned that beautiful, angelic face towards me and cupped her cheeks with both my hands, forcing her to look right at me.

"I bought _champagne_, chocolate covered strawberries, _vegan _chocolate strawberries to be exact and I bought your favourite sandwiches and a side salad and I put it all in a basket to eat up _there_…"

I took one hand off her cheek to point above us.

"On the roof, because you said that you had been _dying_ to do so ever since you had arrived at New York. I took a _train_ in the **middle of the week** from Yale to _New York_ because you were upset, I did all this not because I think of you as a _friend_."

I took a deep breath while averting my eyes to the white ceiling before looking at her with the most loving look I could muster up, I tried to put everything I felt for her in it, I wanted her to understand.

"I did all of this, because I love you. _I'm I love with you _Rachel Barbra Berry. That's why I did all of this and I wanted to tell you tonight on the roof but I guess that plan got a bit side tracked."

I chuckled a little as I wiped away the tears that were dripping down her cheekbones and landing softly on the ground. I felt such relief to finally be able to tell her, to stop hiding or being unsure of how to act or what to say. I had put my heart out there for her to decide.

But then she slowly but surely started to shake her head and pull away from my grasp. She took a few steps back still shaking her head and wiped furiously at her cheeks before she looked up at me with an unreadable expression on her face.

"Why?"

I didn't understand her.

"Why did you say it? _Why _did you make this _real?_ It was FINE the way it was! Absolutely FINE! You shouldn't have told me this! It's going to change EVERYTHING! Don't you see? You **shouldn't** have told me!"

I felt like i got punched in the gut.

"It was already REAL Rachel! Don't pretend that it _wasn't_! You **feel** things for me! I know you do, I see it in the way you looked at the basket, the way you looked at ME!"

She was shaking her head so hard I was scared she'd get a concussion from the force her head was swinging from side to side.

"No, **no**, no, no I could still ignore it Quinn! I could pretend I didn't catch you watching me sleep or looking at me like I was your _world_! I could **ignore** it!"

"But **why**? Why would you want to ignore this? Why don't you want me to make this real? Why didn't you want me to tell you that _I love you_?"

"Because I didn't want to **know**!"

The scream pierced through my heart through everything I was. It clung to every fibre of my being.

"I didn't want to acknowledge it because I'm not going to do anything about it Quinn. I don't see you in _that way_, I really don't."

I looked at her with an incredulous face. She had to be joking! She couldn't really mean that could she? I felt my heart breaking all over. The pieces finally slipping through my fingers, crashing to the ground. I felt a loud bang going off in my head and I felt dizzy with emotion. My entire body was tingling and I could feel somewhere deep inside of me that a rope was broken. The rope between us, our bond, it had been bent up until now but it had finally snapped. She'd done it.

"I'm sorry Quinn but I'm starting again with _Finn_ and I don't want to.."

"FINN?"

I screamed outraged.

"You're choosing HIM over ME?"

"Quinn, it's not a **question** about choice, there never was any."

"You have got to be KIDDING me?"

"You know I would never do that to you, I would never be so cruel."

"Oh but you are Rachel Berry, right now."

"Look Quinn, I understand if you need some space to mull things over but I would really like us to stay friends just like.."

"_Before_?"

I asked with a breathy voice as she nodded vehemently.

"Before I came here? Before I laid out _my heart_ for you? Only to have it stamped upon and thrown away?"

I saw her flinch at my words but I didn't stop.

"Do you really think we can ever go back from this? Do you? _Really?_"

I chuckled humourlessly.

"I said it before and I will say it again: he's only going to drag you down. And I'm not going to stand by AGAIN to watch you ruin your life with Finn Hudson. I **honestly** thought you had changed Rachel, that you had grown up from the entire High School persona you were back then but I guess I was _wrong_."

She looked at me with a blank expression.

"If you can't be my **friend** Quinn, then I'm not asking you to stay."

That did it. I got beside myself with anger and threw an empty beer bottle at the wall.

"Are you telling me that if I don't wish to watch Finnept treating you like _crap_ and me knowing I could do a **hell **of a lot better, treating you like the real STAR you are, that I have to GO? Out of your _life_?"

She nodded once and I laughed darkly.

"So be it then."

I walked over to the basket with unknown strength and lifted it up over my arm before I walked down the hallway and out the door, out of Rachel Berry's life, for good.


	7. It's time to forget

**Hey you guys, sorry about the wait again but i got sick and just couldn't will myself to get out of that comfy bed i was laying in. However i'm a lot better now and here is your update! Thanks for your reviews and please keep them coming, so that i know i'm on the right track here! Next chapter will be an introduction of most of my own characters, you know the vampire coven the litlle handsome boy belongs to. Is there a certain type of person you would like to see represented there? Should i keep it OC or should it involve other Glee characters? Let me know!**

**Allright, so i hope you'll enjoy this, it's a bit longer then usual so..! Anyway, here goes!  
**

* * *

Last time on I won't but i will:

"_Are you telling me that if I don't wish to watch Finnept treating you like crap and me knowing I could do a __**hell **__of a lot better, treating you like the real STAR you are, that I have to GO? Out of your life?"_

_She nodded once and I laughed darkly._

"_So be it then."_

_I walked over to the basket with unknown strength and lifted it up over my arm before I walked down the hallway and out the door, out of Rachel Berry's life, for good._

* * *

I had to blink twice to understand what happened when my face flew suddenly to the left. I felt the sting on my check but only a little, in reality it felt like a mosquito had stung me on the cheek but other than that I felt fine. My head hadn't even totally whipped to the side like you would expect from a normal slap, it had merely turned a little to the left. In my head I had expected the thing to feel more dramatic, to look more dramatic but since my current condition was so undeniable it just couldn't be that dramatic. I heard her gasp and turned my head back to look her dead in the eye. She stood there horrified of herself clutching her hand over her mouth as if to stop a scream from coming out. She was successful in keeping quiet but the scream came out anyway, I could see it in her eyes, I could feel it rolling off of her, it was a silent scream and those are the worst.

But the action she took had pushed me too far this time, after all this emotional turmoil my body was pushed so many times to the edge and to have only fed on her mere hours ago, it was all to much. The growling started low, a sound coming from deep down my throat. The primal sound made the hairs on the back of her neck stand upright. I could smell her fear and for the first time I realised this is what they meant about animals smelling fear. It had a bittersweet scent, it lured me in, I wanted it. The way the perfume of her fear and her own personal smell mixed together sent me on a high. I closed my eyes and inhaled the sweet moment, knowing what I was about to do. I wasn't going to stop myself. I know I couldn't even if I wanted to because even though it felt like hours in my head this was all going down in less than a second. The shifting of my body, growing taller and crouching a bit to prepare for the attack. The tension in my muscles preparing my body for the jump, the heightened senses taking in where she stood and what the next best course of action was.

I could feel the tremor in my legs and before I knew it my feet no longer touched the ground, my arms stretched horizontally to keep my balance and a snarl coming from my lips I pounced, like a predator for its prey and I could already feel her skin under my fangs, ripped away and her blood streaming down her neck. I could see it all happening in my head.

But before I had the chance to sink my teeth in her delicious neck I felt the wind being punched out of my lungs as I was flung backwards against the wall. The impact was big, the punch still tingling on my skin of steel. I got up again in a heartbeat and stormed for my attacker but he got to me before I could even see him as I was suddenly thrown against my bedroom door before I was picked up, brutally shaken and thrown back against the wall before my body crumpled and fell on to the bed. I wanted to get up again and fight but there was a thought pushing its way back into my head again. Through the small throbbing of my head and Rachels screaming to leave me alone and her begging questions of what was going on in here, I could hear the voice loud and clear.

**Don't move. Stay down.**

_I don't think so boy, I want to rip her throat open and tear her apart, do you even get how thirsty I am?_

It was taking over my body, the scorching heat of being so thirsty, so hungry. I needed something to plunge my teeth in deep and the only snack in the room was Rachel. I could feel somewhere in the back of my mind a cry to not touch her, some plea that said I would regret it, that I loved her but it was so distant in my head that it would be easy to just suffocate with a pillow. I was hungry and I wasn't going to let this little nagging voice in my head keep me from tearing down someone's throat. It felt natural to want this, it felt normal to need this. She was just a girl and I began to forget the name to the face. She became just a girl. Just a piece of meat. _Something to drain_.

**You're not yourself right now.**

I snarled at him and opened my eyes a little. I could see him standing in between me and her. The look on her face of utter terror made me want to laugh. Rage and bitterness threatened to overflow me at the sight of her. I could feel the resistance of the voice becoming smaller and smaller. Hunger burning at my insides, happiness at the prospect of sucking her dry took over my mind. I looked around trying to find a way past him and he noticed my movements and chuckled.

**You won't get past me Miss.**

I looked at him unbelievingly, he was small, _he was a kid for heaven's sake_! What would he do to me that would stop me from feeding on that girl behind him.

**Stop Miss, control yourself!**

It was punched into my face that thought and not gently. It rung in my ears and blinded me from everything around me. It was like an alarm going off in my head and it enraged me more. I started withering in pain as the ringing continued and I screamed out in agony.

"Stop! _Stop it!_ Can't you see you're **hurting** her? Just drop it!"

I could hear the girls voice in the distance and suddenly I remembered who she was again, I cursed myself for even forgetting her.

For the second time I heard the boy's velvet voice, piercing through everything like a beautiful angelic song.

"Miss Berry I ask you to go **downstairs** please and wait for me there. This is _none_ of your concern."

His voice might have been gentle and smooth but the authority in his voice carried the weight of the words he had uttered to her while keeping his eyes firmly plastered on me.

"If it concerns her it **IS** my business and who the hell do you think you are telling _me_ what to do? I am not _some little dog_ you can boss around little munchkin now **let me through**!"

I opened my eyes and saw her trying to push past him but he moved horizontally in one line from the left side to the right in less than seconds to keep her away from me.

Finally the funny sight made the monster in me calm a bit, amusement shining through the rage. The thirst however was still burning in my body, scorching through my organs and my every being.

"Quinn! _Quinny,_ please just look at me! Please, baby, just…Oh come **ON**! Let me **past**!"

The sound of her voice calmed the tremors and when I opened my eyes the boy could see the change again, he could see I was coming back and I was locking the monster up again. So the ringing finally stopped. My body was spent and fell into a heap on the blankets. I sighed in pain and exhaustion ut I could already feel my body healing right back up. I guessed it wouldn't take long until I would be able to function again or even think straight. All I could see now were dark brown eyes looking at me from over his shoulder and little, female hands reaching for me. However I knew she had to go, I couldn't take any more of this. I was already so tired of the changes my body were going through, I just couldn't handle this on top of everything else so I turned away from her and curled into a ball.

The boy must've turned to her because this time it wasn't just authority I heard in his voice, it was something else, something that almost made me do the same as he spoke to her in a hushed whisper.

"You will go downstairs now Miss Berry and you will turn on the television. You will not think of anything else or do anything else until I come downstairs and tell you that you **may**."

I hear the shuffling of little footsteps leaving the room going down the stairs and then I heard it, the sound of the television. Surprised my eyes shot open and I rolled over to look at the boy. He had come to sit down at the end of the bed and softly sighed.

"She is going to _complicate _things."

He said it as if he was stating a fact, not just mentioning it as something irrelevant but stressing the words like it was one of the most important things he would ever have to say to me.

"It's hard enough to deal with family and friends but _lovers_ they just.."

He trailed of and looked at me with the eyes of an old man, he definitely didn't look ten now.

"And it doesn't even seem like your relationship with her is simple."

I scoffed at that and he raised his eyebrows.

"There is no relationship. We are **nothing**. She isn't my lover. She is FINN _Hudson_'s wife, **that's** what she is. And somehow she suffers of the good Samaritan complex _or something_. It's annoying."

He nodded at me and his look became more stern.

"Would you mind then if I erased her memory?"

"Of what?"

"Anything you want to. I can erase just this night, but I can erase you as well if you'd like."

"Could you do that to me too? Make me forget about her?"

"I'm afraid not, you're immune to compelling. You're a vampire yourself. You could do it yourself if you like."

He offered it to me but I just felt torn by it. Was it fair to do that to someone? To just make them forget things?

"When you sent her downstairs to go watch the TV, was that.. I mean did you… did she have a _choice?_"

"No. I did compel her if that is what you were wondering. It is used also to make people do things that you wish of them."

"You talk funny."

He looked at me incredulously.

"Sorry, it's just well she talks a bit like you too you know, with the big words and the politeness and all but you just take to a whole new level sometimes."

"I do apologize, I still haven't fully come to the 'normal' English yet, I tend to easily revert back to the English spoken in my days."

"Was that long ago?"

"Yes, very long ago indeed Miss."

"Do you miss it?"

"What do you mean Miss?"

"Home. Do you miss it sometimes? Your family and friends?"

"I was young, my family was dead and I didn't have any friends left after the war. But I had a dog. I loved him a lot. I do miss him sometimes."

"How do you deal with it? Missing?"

"I guess you learn to accept it, give it a place to rest and you move on. If you are lucky you still have a few centuries left to start over. Maybe after a while you will forget about it. Maybe you won't. It's a selective memory us vampires behold. You can use it as you please."

"Like turning off emotions?"

"In a way yes. Why do you ask Miss?"

"I just want to know if I make her forget about me, if she'll miss me and even if she doesn't I know I will. I just wanted to know if I could learn how to live with it."

"You could, but you don't have to."

"It's the safest for her isn't it?"

"Well in theory yes but she has more chance of dying in a _car crash_ than getting bit by a trained and controlled vampire, to be honest with you."

"So I could live a normal life? A more _human _life?"

"In the end it is what we all strive for yes, there are only the **few** who give in to their monster who wish to be anything but human."

"What do you do with those then?"

The look on his face said enough.

"There is no place for them in our society, people would know about us and try to kill us. It would lead to a blood massacre that is not necessary. So we _stop_ them in advance."

"What just happened back there.."

He nodded once.

"That was my monster then?"

"Yes, it was. You will have to learn to live with it _side by side._ You cannot supress it too much or it will try and take you over like before. It is why we rink human blood ad go hunting. It keeps the monster happy most of the time."

"Hunting?"

"I will tell you all about that later Miss however I must ask you to make a choice."

"I want to make her forget today and I don't know, not me I guess but I just want her to stop looking for me, I don't want her to remember being told that I was sick I guess. Today just, it never took place. She never should've come here to begin with."

"As you wish Miss."

He stood up and swiftly hopped off the bed. He looked at me once with sorrow in his eyes and almost floated out the door. I waited anxiously on my bed and didn't relax until I heard the front door open and close again. I moved off the bed and scurried to the window. I pulled the curtain back a bit to watch her get in the car. What I didn't expect was to see her looking up at me before she pulled the car out of the driveway and drove away.

Exhausted from this long and tiring day I went to lie down again. I heard a soft knock on my door before the beautiful little face appeared in my doorway again.

"I shall let you sleep now Miss. I shall take the couch."

I wanted to thank him, tell him he didn't have to stay but it was forcefully removed from my head and replaced with another thought.

**I am here for you Miss. I will help you, I promised.**

I nodded at him and gave him a small smile which he gave me in return.

Suddenly there was a question, so silly, something that I should've asked him before everything else and it wasn't going to budge any time soon so as I opened my mouth to speak he just shook his head in a manner of amusement. I closed it again and he pointed to his head with his finger.

_What's you name pretty boy?_

As he slowly closed the door he chuckled and before I knew it the name popped in my head.

**Nathaniel.**

I mulled it over in my head, it sounded old but fitting.

**But my friends call me Nathan or Nate. Take your pick 'but stick with it'.**

I laughed out loud at his poor attempt at 'normal' English. It just sounded wrong coming from him.

_Nathan it is then._

I heard his little feet descending the stairs.

**Goodnight Miss.**

_It's Quinn._

**Goodnight Quinn.**

_Goodnight Nathan._

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**so what do you guys think? Let me know!**_  
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	8. Breakfast calling

**Hey guys, first of all massive thanks to all of you who added this story to you alerts or favorits! it really means a lot to me to know that you want to read this thing. Also a massive thanks to the ones who review, both the users as the anons. It warms my heart to read them however short or long they may be!  
**

**This chapter is a bit more boring but it had to be written to be able to continue this story; I plan on adding another shipping pair in this but don't worry: faberry is and will be the eventual pairing for this one.  
**

**Anyway enjoy!  
**

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Last time on I won't but i will:

Goodnight** Miss.**

_It's Quinn._

**Goodnight Quinn.**

_Goodnight Nathan._

* * *

I woke up to the bitter smell of coffee and the delicious perfume of freshly baked bacon. I sat upright like a lightning bolt and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. It took a while before I finally came to my senses and remembered what had happened yesterday.

Suddenly a thousand questions took over my mind and I felt a whirlwind of emotions course through me. My head was banging like it was pounding against a brick wall and I fell back into the softness of my pillows with a deep sigh. I just wasn't ready for all this; I wasn't ready to deal with giving in to my thirst after I had successfully ignored it for three months. I didn't want to think about Rachel who probably woke up hours ago, blissfully unaware of the aspired events of yesterday. I just didn't want to deal with it.

As soon as I thought it I felt a presence to the right of my bed and when I turned my head to search for the familiar face I laid eyes upon the little angel boy. Even in the morning the little kid was just unbelievably gorgeous. I wondered what he would've looked like if he had been given the chance to grow up. He would've become a heart breaker without a doubt.

His smile was gentle and I felt at ease immediately. I could feel the way he was pushing these feelings on me and my first instinct was to push them away but I was so exhausted still that I let myself be reassured for now.

**You felt the difference didn't you?**

_It's different from… that night, isn't it?_

**Yes, now you can feel what I'm trying to do because you're a vampire yourself now. You can feel it when I use vampire skills on you.**

_Skills?_

**Yes Miss, I have a lot to explain to you and I am sure you must be wondering about your current **_**situation **_**as well. But before I even attempt to explain to you as to what it is to be a vampire, I have made you some breakfast.**

_So it's you that has put this lovely smell in my house huh?_

I teased him gently, trying to thank him for doing all of this for me. Being up and awake and more in control of myself I could feel how easily these barriers were coming up again. But I realised that I was going to need this boy a lot and I would have to learn how to trust him, so I tried as best as I could to keep the walls from rising again.

**Yes indeed Miss, it was me. I have prepared a meal downstairs. I hope it will be to your liking.**

_I'm sure it will be just lovely Nathaniel. Thank you._

**No problem Miss.**

_Please call me Quinn._

**Of course, I apologise Mi.. I mean Quinn.**

I smiled at him and propped myself up on the elbows. His eyes were twinkling and he smiled just as bright. Suddenly he gave me a thumbs up and the velvet voice rung softly in my ears like the sound of a violin just cautiously being tested out by its owner.

"You have already made remarkable progress Quinn. You just communicated with me through our minds."

He smiled even bigger while gesturing with his tiny little hands.

" It is a gift I share with only a handful vampires on this world. I can implant my thoughts in you and if I wish to accept yours I can do that too but it usually takes other vampires more time to get used to my way of communication."

He looked at me proudly and had this excitement about him that just pulled me into a rather better mood than I had woken up with.

"It seems you have taken to it quite easily. I like that. You'll be a fast learner."

I smiled at him happily, it seemed for the first time in my life someone other than Rachel Berry had made me feel proud of myself. And it was for doing something I didn't even realise was worth being praised for. I felt a lot better and swung my legs over the edge of the bed.

"Thank you Nathaniel. It's really nice of you to say that!"

He just shook his head in amusement and pointed to the stairs with his thumb.

"Just come downstairs when you are clothed and I shall meat you in the kitchen."

"Okay, thanks Nathan."

"No problem Quinn."

I heard his voice further away from me as he was already down the stairs in a second. I wondered if he even touched the steps with the speed he got down to the hallway. I shrugged to myself as I slowly rose from the blankets and went over to my window to pull the curtains open. I smiled as the sun hit my face when suddenly my eyes flew open in panic and I jumped into the shadow before touching my cheeks with my hands.

Nothing.

I touched my nose and forehead too, rubbed my chin with the palm of my hand before inspecting every other piece of skin that had been exposed to the daylight. Nothing. Not the slightest burn. However there was the slightest little shimmer upon my skin. As if it was glowing slightly, like glitter body dust or something. I was sure any human eye would probably never be able to see it the way I did right now. It were little crystals glittering in the light but so small and so terribly soft that anyone would just see it as a normal healthier looking type of skin. It suited my pale complexion beautifully.

After I was done staring at my own skin in wonder I dared to venture back into the sunlight from behind the window glass. It felt nice on my skin. It was a pleasurable contrast between the heat of the sun, magnified through the glass and the coldness of my skin. I took a deep breath before I turned around and walked into my bathroom.

Looking at the mirror I no longer saw a sickeningly pale face with red, lifeless, swollen eyes, blue bags underneath them and red splotches all over it. I saw swirling, captivating hazel eyes piercing with intensity. I saw the same beautiful pale complexion as I had found on my arms and my teeth were even more pearly white then before. My thin pink lips seemed to have become a bit more plump and looked like they already had some lip-gloss on. I let my hands wander over my face with big curious eyes. The skin under my fingertips felt normal of temperature because I was totally cold now. It was my entire body that must've dropped down a serious amount of degrees. However I didn't feel as if I was a freezing cold, I assumed it had to feel pleasant still for humans otherwise they would be repelled by it. And after all, I was part of a race now that was essentially a predator. A predator that hunted humans and drank their blood.

At the word blood my stomach turned violently and I felt a thirst creeping up my throat again. I shook it off and suppressed the images of red, velvet fluid sliding down my throat but even though I tried so hard to prevent it my fangs started to come out to play. Deciding that I was curious as to how I looked like when being more evidently in vamp mode, I peeked at the mirror. My eyes had turned red for a bright second before turning back into a much darker shade of hazel. It was almost like watching an aroused version of myself. The way my pupils had blown, my cheeks and neck were only slightly flushed and the fangs poking out slightly from under my upper lip. It was still vastly different from my human aroused state however since the blush wasn't as severe and looked more like a faint layer of rouge and the fangs were hardly noticeable when I had my lips closed. However there was a glow around me, an essence I could smell even from myself that filled the air and my vision. I looked abnormally beautiful standing there fully, vamped out.

I willed it all back and pushed all thoughts to a small and dark corner of my mind but as soon as I did those other feelings I had pushed aside this morning came back full force. They attacked me from all sides. I fell to my knees and held my head in my hands trying to will the head aches away and clear my thoughts when I suddenly found the off switch gain. In a flash I could feel all of the emotions leaving my system leaving me with only the most shallow ones. It felt good to have a blank mind and a calmer state of soul. I peered between my fingers and still saw the same I did when I fell down. I looked around and saw nothing of my abilities had changed when turning my emotions off. If anything, I could see much better now, much clearer and precise. Everything was watched with an objectivity many scientists would kill for. And as I saw the light dancing across the tiles of the bathroom floor I felt only a small amount of amusement. No wonder or awe, just a tiny bit of happy and amusement. I liked this switch I found, I liked it a lot.

As I stood upright again I decided to at least give my stomach what it had asked for. The boy had mentioned breakfast hadn't he? I remembered smelling the coffee and bacon and realised that I still needed to eat human food. I smiled and felt a bit happier at the prospect of still being able to eat and digest human food. I realised I just never wanted to miss bacon again. Three months without it had let me with an even more unhealthy obsession with it. I quickly took my clothes from yesterday off and hopped into a fresh pair of panties and bra before pulling a black ripped t-shirt over my head. A lonely item that I still had left from my punk faze. I secretly still loved the clothes, or at least some of them but I chose to wear them at home and not at work or uni.

"Shit!"

I realised that I hadn't showed up to either in three months, thinking that I was going to die I hadn't handed in a doctor's note either and by now it would be far too late to catch up on the many classes I had missed. I kicked the little barstool in anger and watched it fly across the bathroom before splintering into little pieces against the tiles.

I stood there, shocked by my own doing before I went over and looked at the splinters a bit better; I had just literally made a barstool look like it had been cut to pieces y a wood chipper merely y kicking it against a wall. I understood that there was a lot to me I still didn't realise and I better head downstairs to find me those answers I had been dying to get ever since I first, well turned? Changed? Morphed? How did you even call it?

I shook my head, disappointed in myself for being so violent again and wormed my way into a black skinny jeans and slipped my feet into a pair of black and grey checkered vans before heading back to my room. I was decidedly faster at y bedroom door then I had anticipated and slowly placed my foot in front of the other as I walked out of it and shut the door behind me. Right in front of me was the staircase, almost inviting me to just slide over it like a slide in a playground or something.

Giggling I hopped down the stairs, my feet only touching floor of the steps as I happily hooped over the others when I skipped down from the first floor to the main hallway. I looked over my shoulder with a bubbly feeling before smacking myself up the head for being such a girl.

I could smell the sweetness of pancakes and the bitter scent of coffee coming out of the kitchen and I ran towards it, my stomach rumbling hungrily. In two seconds I was seated on one of the barstools that were attached to the bar side of the island part I the kitchen. The little boy turned away from the stove and watched me funny.

"Testing out your new abilities Quinn?"

I blushed guiltily.

"It is quite normal you know. You'll come to find we will earn so much about what a vampire can or can't do. I have been around for a over a century and still find out new things every day."

He turned around and put a large stack of already made pancakes in the microwave and heated them slowly as he continued to refry the crispy bacon.

"It's overwhelming really. I had to turn my feelings off so I could at least just focus a bit. It all came rushing back to me and it just, it got too much, you know?"

"I do understand. It's your human side telling you that you are still human. It's good but not always pleasant. Especially not when so much has happened to you in barely a day."

"Yeah, that's what I mean."

He pushed the button of the coffee maker and as it dripped into a white mug he warmed up chonks of chocolate 'au bain marie' as he added some milk, orange zest adn a little cinnamon to it to spic thigns up. My mouth watered at the mixed scent in the kitchen.

"I presume you turned off your feelings for a bit then?"

"Sort off. I still feel things I guess but just a lot more shallow. Like more on the surface, if that makes sense?"

He stirred the chocolate sauce once more before taking the pancakes out of the microwave and the mug from under the coffee machine.

"It makes perfect sense my dear, you see one cannot stop feeling completely, even animals feel you know. It is only on a more shallow level than human feelings. Those damn creatures are so deep I doubt we shall ever know just how deep ones emotions can go."

I nodded at him and wondered what had happened to him to make him such an insightful little boy. I guess he wasn't a little boy though he looked like one. It must be awful for him to be stuck inside a body of a ten year old like that. I shot him a sympathetic smile. Either he didn't notice or chose not to comment on it as he placed a large stack of pancakes in front of me accompanied by another plate filled with bacon and a large cup of black coffee with two sugar cubes. Before I could delve into the feast he covered my pancakes with chocolate sauce and sprinkles. I just stared at him dumbfound.

"I may or may not have picked a few thoughts from Miss Berry's head to make sure I would be able to accommodate you properly. I apologise if I have overstepped the line."

I just continued to stare at him and then back to the pancakes with amazement. I quickly shook my head when I heard him utter the words in a nervous kind of manner and placed my hand on top of his reassuringly.

"I find it a bit weird yes, but I don't hate you for it or anything. You had the best intentions I'm sure."

He just nodded, eyes filled with sincerity and I gave him a bright smile to let him know it was alright even though it kind of wasn't. He had just wanted to make me feel better and even though it hurt to think that he had pulled this from Rach's memories I knew he just meant well.

Grabbing my fork and knife I dug in to the feast and ate until I felt completely satisfied. During the meal he and I chattered away about the weather and my current living situation. He would ask me where I was from, what family I still had left and if I heard from them often. I told him all about Ohio and Beth. I just trusted him like that. I didn't know why, it was just there. It felt nice being able to talk to someone freely, someone who had no expectations of you and had no intention of judging you. So I came to the point where I left for uni and then I stopped mid-sentence as I realised I was about to tell him about Rachel and I. I knew I could trust him but I just didn't feel ready for it without feeling it, and remembering all of it would only bring back the feelings I pushed away this morning. I wasn't ready for it and he must've sensed it since he changed the subject like nothing happened. He did it so smoothly I hardly even knew myself that I had choked on the last piece of bacon in my mouth. I f I hadn't spluttered violently and drank a few gulps of coffee I don't think I would've even noticed it honestly.

He was that good.

When breakfast was finally done and he had put the dishes away in the dishwasher, he took me gently by the hand and led me to the sofa. We both sat down and I felt a little nervous, my stomach turning a bit in anticipation. This was it, we were going to have the talk. He was going to tell me all about being a vampire and in return I was going to listen like a perfect student and accept anything he told me that would have to be done.

As he opened his mouth to speak again the phone rang. Thinking nothing of it I picked it up and pressed it to my right ear.

"Hello?"

"Hi Bitch, finally decided to pick up the phone did you?"

My eyes went wide as saucers and my mouth fell open in shock.

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**Who would it be calling Quinn? **

**why don't you tell me who you think it will be or who you want it to be? Although i don't think it's a hard one really ;)  
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	9. Satan calling for Blondie

**Hey guys, sorry for keeping so long but my work, camp with the kiddos and my computer breaking down kept me from being able to write you guys another chapter. I wrote it quickly on the computer of a friend, so i didn't check for spelling mistakes. Please forgive me if you find any!**

**Anyway this chapter is my try at Quinntana, tell me what you think? **

**Again lot's of love to all the followers, reviewers and all the people who have favorited this story! You make me want to write another chapter to this story!**

**Enjoy and review please?!**

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Last time on "I won't but i will" :

_As he opened his mouth to speak again the phone rang. Thinking nothing of it I picked it up and pressed it to my right ear._

_"Hello?"_

_"Hi Bitch, finally decided to pick up the phone did you?"_

_My eyes went wide as saucers and my mouth fell open in shock._

* * *

"Uhm, hi San, how've you…"

Her voice was sharp and cut me off before I could even utter the lamest sentence ever. _Good job Fabray_. I mentally cursed myself for being so blatantly casual about this mess.

"Oh don't you _dare_ ask me how I've been Fabray! You've only ignored my calls for **three whole months**, not opened the door when I stood there ringing the doorbell like a lunatic for _hours _on end.. Oh but you did grace me with a text message saying: '**I can't come to the door right now, I'm sick**."

"I'm _so_ sorry San but I.."

Again she cut me off, not quite finished with what she had to say to me. I sighed painfully, guilt started to eat at me when I realized what I had put my best friend through.

"No I don't want your sorry **excuses** Quinn, I want answers. NOW!"

I took this as my chance to make it right, to see how mad I had made her and if this time I might've really crossed the lines for good. It was time for the truth, or at least the most truth I could give her right now. Shit things were so complicated right now it wasn't even funny anymore. Not that I've even had the slightest inclination to start giggling 'oh dear I'm a vampire' but you catch my drift. I saw Nathan watching me intently, I knew he could probably hear what I was thinking. I didn't know what to tell her. Instead of helping me out he shrugged his shoulders. I sighed heavily.

"I've really been sick San."

I could hear the intake of breath as she was trying to calm herself down before spitting her next reply into the phone.

"Oh come on for _three_ months Q. ?"

"Yes. It's, well it's complicated."

I sighed again. How much could I tell her? She was my best friend but this crap was even unbelievable for me and I am the one living it. Nathan had lifted himself off the couch and was slowly waltzing back towards the kitchen while he motioned with his hands that he was thirsty. I figured he wanted me to have some privacy. Or at least the feeling of privacy.

"_How_? I called every hospital in the **fucking **state of New York Quinn, I even checked in with Britt to see if maybe you'd gone over there or something.. _Fuck_ Q, you have no idea how hard that was for me!"

That took me by surprise. After their break up me and Santana had grown immensely closer, we could barely function without one and another. Especially with the whole Rachel thing that I had going on before. But lately we had begun to live our own separate lives even though we still stayed as close as before. I knew how much she still loved Britt, just like I still loved Rachel. We were perfect for each other in the sense that we completely got one another and we both knew that we would never find another like the loved ones we lost, ever again. So we settled for each other. Being best friends with benefits was perfect. It was everything we needed. She still shagged around some and I still did too but the best nights I had were definitely spent with the Latina. I just couldn't imagine what she must've felt to pick up that phone and call Britt, all because she got so worried about me. The guilt multiplied by a hundred and I felt tears brimming my eyes. Suddenly I felt a small child like hand on the small of my back, I glanced down with my head hung with shame and he gently cupped my cheek before sending a thought into my head.

**Be brave, she needs you just as much right now.**

I shook my head slightly, realizing he was right and asked her with a small voice.

"You called Britt?"

"Yeah.."

I could hear the pain in her voice. Shit, what had I done? What had I put my best friend through?

"Oh San…"

I wanted to cry, except that I didn't really know how to cry anymore. I cried my heart out about Rachel afterwards in the arms of Santana but after that I only cried once more when I found the Latina broken on her apartment floor after the break up with Britt. Something I will never really forgive the blonde for, was breaking our best friend's, her lover's heart.

"Never mind, that's not the _point._. If you were as sick as you claim then why weren't you in the hospital Q?"

"It wasn't.. They said it wasn't treatable, it was supposed to kill me I guess but it didn't."

I could feel the rage coming on, like the calm before the storm. Somehow saying the words made me realize how much of a closed off fool I've been. Thinking of no one but myself. I prepared myself for the outburst that was inevitable. Nathan retracted his hand and took his place on the couch again but gave me a look that told me he was there for me anyway.

"Say _wha_t? You mean that you KNEW you could be DYING and you just chose to go lock yourself away in this god forsaken town house not even _caring_ that there were other people out there who might, I don't know, LOVE you? Huh? What if you had died Q? I would've never had the chance to say **goodbye**? Never had any closure? You're _all _I have left bitch, and I'm all **you** got left. How could you _do_ that to me?"

I deserved her lashing out but I hardly understood myself why I had wanted to lock myself away from the world and just waited to die. It didn't seem natural now, it didn't seem logical but somehow at the time it had made sense in my head. I wouldn't be tempted to hurt anyone, I wouldn't have had to face anyone or say goodbye. It had seemed the perfect solution at the time. It had felt right. Besides I had figured it would've only taken three days. I never anticipated that it would take me three months and by the end of it I would still be alive.

**Yes, that is something I do not know how to explain to you just yet I'm afraid.**

_Well what am I supposed to tell her then?_

**Try and talk to her about how you felt? Explain to her your reasoning for your decision. She seems like a very pragmatic thinking person. **

I sighed heavily again and opened my heart just that little bit more.

"I didn't think that far, it was supposed to go quick but instead it just kept dragging on.. and by that time I was, I don't know how to explain it but it was like I was already dead? God, that sounds stupid but I was just, not really 'living' in this world anymore. I was just waiting really."

Her reply wasn't what I was expecting.

"I get it. _Kelsey_ worked with those cancer patients ya know? She told me how some of them just went into this kind of trance that is supposed to prepare you for dying. I get it I guess, but does not make me forgive you like that Q. **Fuck** I just…"

"I'm so sorry San, but this shit that happened to me it's just so _unreal_. You have to believe me I never meant to hurt you it just seemed right at the time, it felt right what I was doing. Just_, please_ forgive me? I know I don't deserve it San but…"

"Hold up Q. You almost _died_ alright. That kinda gives you the get out of jail free card ya know? So stop sweating 'bout that I just wanted to vent out a little."

"I deserved it, I know I messed up San."

"Yeah you did Blondie but it's not like **I **haven't messed up before either allright?"

I chuckled. God I loved that spicy girl so much, I couldn't believe I ever forgot about her in the first place.

"Now stop beating yourself up and tell me when can see your scrawny ass? Cause you're not dead now anyways since you're answering the phone and all and I need some homemade cooking to fill up my stomach cause that microwave shit _ain't good for nothing_."

I laughed, so freely and openly I almost gave myself a heart attack. God she was the only one who could still make me laugh these days, the only one who would keep me in the land of the living. She was the only one who put up with me and understood me like only a best friend could. I realized I wanted her to know this, fucked up mess that I was living in. I wanted her to see it and decide for herself. I loved her and I needed her. Damn the land of the dead, I was back and kicking. I was given another chance and I owed it to my girl to make it up to her.

"_I missed you too San. _You know what? I'll text you the groceries list and you just drop by around four?"

"Who says I'm willing to go shopping for you Blondie?"

"Well, I was thinking of baking my famous _peanut butter cookies_ again with jam decorations but if you don't want to I guess …"

"Hold it right there Tubbers, imma get you your shit don't worry."

I rolled my eyes at the nickname but chose not to comment on it.

"_Oh _you changed your mind, did you huh?"

"You had me at **cookies.** See yah soon Q."

I could hear her smile through the phone and a small smile formed itself on my own face.

"Yeah see you soon San."

"And well you know that shit too."

My heart warmed at her words. I knew what she meant but I wasn't going to push it. This was just fine. It meant enough to me. She knew I'd understand what she actually wanted to say.

"I know, I _shit_ you too."

"Bitch."

"Yup."

I chuckled again at our sarcasm.

"Bye Q."

"See you soon _sweetie._"

"just so you know, I'm puking now."

"I thought you didn't have a gag reflex? Isn't that what you **bragged **about in junior year?"

"Shut up bitch."

"You wish."

"Gotta go though Q. I have groceries to buy."

"She's got you whipped."

"She **wishes**."

"Bye san."

"Bye Q."

When I heard the dial tone I hung up too and turned to meet the shining eyes of Nathan. He just nodded, the question didn't even need to be spoken. Santana was in my life, she had always been and as far as I was concerned she was always going to be. She was all I had left and I could not be without her any longer.? I needed my best friend here. To hold me and tell me I wasn't a monster. That I was still me. That I could still live my life and that she still loved me.

Suddenly the emotional turmoil made me feel so dirty and ugly. I could feel self-hate pouring through me again and two little arms wrapped themselves around me. They weren't Santana's, definitely not Rachel's but somehow they offered just as much warmth. He rocked me back and forth gently and lifted my chin up so I had to look him in the eyes.

"You're still you Quinn, you've changed _only superficial_. You can still be you. You are still **beautiful.** And you are not alone. You have me and you have that girl you were talking on the phone with."

"_Santana_."

"Yes her, you have her as well. You are going to be okay, I promise."

"I **love** her, she's my _best friend_, I can't lose her."

"You won't."


	10. Get ready for the spicy one

**Hey guys, so this is a chapter that i didn't liek to write all that much. Next chapter is going to be awesome though, or at least i hope so. Thios one gives you a bit of faberry in the form of a flash back and some crucial information about vampires that i wanted Nathan to give to Quinn before she met Santana. Anyway, i hope you stil enjoy this story. If you do please let me know?**_  
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**Thanks to all you followers and reviewers. You make my day!**

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Last time on i won't but i will:_  
_

_"You're still you Quinn, you've changed __only superficial__. You can still be you. You are still __**beautiful.**__ And you are not alone. You have me and you have that girl you were talking on the phone with."_

_"__Santana__."_

_"Yes her, you have her as well. You are going to be okay, I promise."_

_"I __**love**__ her, she's my __best friend__, and I can't lose her."_

_"You won't."_

A couple of hours later I had pulled myself together and went to get a shower. Nathan had said he'd tidy up a bit since the house kind of smelled since I never bothered to come out of my room for three whole months. I could definitely understand where he was coming from. I hadn't noticed it at first since I had been a little preoccupied with the food and then Santana's phone call. _Now that I'm thinking about it, what is the deal with that?_

**Deal with what?**

_Food. I can eat it?_

**If your vampire is fed and satisfied yes, your body will function according to human standards.**

_Cool. I'd really miss the bacon you know._

**I assumed you were vegan at first.**

_Why?_

**You have a lot of substitutes that are common in a vegan diet. Such as those eggs and the soy milk, but it was the cheese that got my attention really. **

_It's because of Rachel._

**How so?**

I pulled the t-shirt over my head quickly and tugged on my sweats till they fitted nice and comfy before jogging down the stairs. Well, I had attempted to walk but I still didn't have the hang of it completely. I still moved way faster than any normal human being and I had to find a way to slow myself down somehow. As I jumped the last five steps and darted into the kitchen I answered him with my voice instead of my mind. I kind of liked his voice too much, it reminded me of hers. It was melodious and sounded like a giggling angel in a way, just like hers had always sounded like to me.

"She's vegan."

"Oh. But I thought you had not been privy to find yourself in her company for a time frame of four years? Am I not correct in that interpretation of your thoughts perhaps?"

"Huh? Oh, no you _are_ right actually. I hadn't seen her in four years until...well until that incident. But I picked it up, you know since she was over a lot and I was over there a lot I just learned to eat it and it's not half bad really. But the bacon substitute _sucks._"

I chuckled when I thought about the time I actually let Rachel feed it to me. The smell of it had seemed all wrong but I had opened my mouth albeit a bit begrudgingly to accept the substitute place carefully on the spoon she was holding.

"_It's just like real bacon Quinn. I'm sure you'll love it just like you loved the fake eggs I fed you a couple of months ago."_

_I grew more confident at the memory of being fed fake eggs and not even recognizing the distance so I nodded at her ethousiasticly with my mouth wide open, suggesting her to just feed me the damn fake bacon already. She giggled with amusement and fed me the cardboard bacon as I would go about and call it later on._

_My face must've looked anything but happy since I saw her frown immediately when I chewed the disgusting piece of fake meat. I swallowed it and looked at her downcast eyes before lifting her chin up so that her eyes could meet my own. I stared into them for a good couple of seconds before I had to turn around in fear of doing something stupid. Something stupid like kissing her for example._

_I had grabbed my plate from the counter and offered it to her while pointing towards the pan with the fried pieces of cardboard._

"_Are you gonna scoop me up some fake bacon to go with my toast or what Rach?"_

_The thousand what smile she sent me was enough to make me endure the stomach ache I was due to have because of the fake meat. I just couldn't stand to see her hurt and if it meant sacrificing my sweet bacon I would do it. Or at least when she was around. Bacon had always been and would probably always be one of the necessary elements in my own diet called the 'I survive on bacon, coffee, nutella and peanut butter' diet._

_The kiss she gave me on the cheek after filling my plate with real bacon I didn't even know she had cooked me before letting me eat the substitute had me on cloud nine. In fact I remember how I tackled her in a hug after I had placed my plate on the table and I had peppered kisses all over her face. Of course I ignored the place I wanted to kiss them the most._

Back to the present. His velvet voice shook me out of my Rachel induced memories.

"I did change my opinion because of you stack of bacon, although I am afraid it was not eatable anymore. That is why I went out to the supermarket to make sure I could provide you with a healthy and yet satisfying breakfast. I assumed you would like something familiar after the last few bizarre days."

I giggled and smiled in gratitude.

"It is much appreciated Nathaniel. That's very thoughtful of you."

"Oh, it is nothing really."

"_So..."_

"So?"

I stared at my feet and shifted my weight from one foot to another. I was nervous of how to approach this. I was scared of what was to come. I wanted to tell Santana the truth, I had meant it and I felt like it was the least I owed her.

"_Santana_… She's coming over this afternoon."

"In an hour and a half, yes Miss."

"Quinn, I thought we had crossed that bridge already _Nathan_?"

"Excuse me Quinn, old habit. Now I do understand your troubles, how does one go about talking about vampirism?"

"I can't really just go and tell _her 'Hey San, the reason I was sick is because I got bitten by a vampire and I decided I wouldn't drink any blood but eventually I did and I turned into a vampire, so what movie would you like to watch?_' now do I?"

"No I would not find that a wise manner to approach the subject. Maybe you should just try and get her into the kitchen? Set everything up for the cookies and while you are both _busy _you can try and get the conversation started. I _do_ advise you strongly to stay calm at all times, she will not be able to control her own emotions very well I presume after hearing such unbelievable news. I have had my fair share of those negative talks, trust me."

"How do you mean?"

"You are not the first vampire I have helped to **adjust **to their new situation Quinn. I take it as my personal responsibility to help those who got bitten by a vampire of my clan. I take it very personal when something like this happens. _Especially _since you neither asked for it nor found yourself in situation that was most likely to end with your death."

"Then why did I get bitten? What was he like a **newbie **or something?"

"No. Quite the contrary. The vampire that bit you is one of my most trusted and oldest ones. But he is a _trigger _I believe."

"A trigger?"

"He gets told to bite someone by the force of our nature and he just has to bite them. It usually means this person was supposed to become a vampire long time ago and did not make the transition. You must be vital to one of our future battles for you to trigger him."

"I'm _vital _to your **battles**?"

"Probably yes. Although I have no idea _why or how_ or when just yet that you will be of use to us in such a manner. I am going to research this Quinn, I will not rest until I get to the bottom of this but I cannot offer you any more information I am afraid. I talked to the Warlock and he told me what he knew after hearing what Jack had to say to him about the entire experience."

"Oh god, I'm not following. What is a **warlock**?"

"Well in human literature it is a creature that possesses witch powers. In my world it is the name of an ancient witch or well as they modernized it during the nineteen hundreds, he is a wizard named warlock. It is a very well known, powerful and respected family in our world. They possess not only the most wisdom one can aver obtain but also a huge amount of witch power due to their pure bloodline they have managed to keep until this day."

"Sounds like there really is a _whole other world_ hidden in the human one..."

"There is, yes. It is even quite big. You would be surprised how many magical creatures walk across this earth. I am sure I'll find more than enough of those even in this city."

"_Wow._.."

"I am sure that this must be overwhelming for you Quinn."

"Yeah, it kinda is."

"I'll tell you this much: the next few weeks will consist of me training you and teaching you how to behave and control yourself. So that you may try and _mingle _with the humans once again. Once I am satisfied with the progress you have made I will introduce you to some of the clan. They will probably teach you a lot of other things and when you are completely able to sustain yourself and conduct normal looking behavior I shall grant you a choice."

"What choice? **To live or die**?"

"No, not that dramatic Quinn."

"Oh, what then?"

"I will ask you if you would want _to join our clan."_

"Do you move around?"

"Sometimes, depending on what we are handling at the moment."

"I can't really do that you know, I am studying."

"Quinn, unless you have noticed, you have _all eternity_ to study and being part of the clan does not necessarily mean you will have to come on all of our **'trips'**. Sometimes your assistance might be required and then I shall ask for it but you are always free to decline Quinn. I will never _bind _you to me or anything like that. It is merely a sort of offer to obtain a kind of **family**. A kind that understands you because we are all in the same boat."

"Oh, right I get that. I guess it would be nice not being alone all the time."

"Well, let's decide that when the time comes. Right now I need to part. You have your friend coming over and I am sure that the clan cannot wait until I get back to tell them about you."

"They _know_?"

"Of course. I am sure Jack will have told them and I presume I will have a lot of questions to answer when I get back to our nest."

"Where is that? You know, your **'nest'**?"

"New York. It's somewhere in the Upper East Side. I will show it to you if you decide to stay with us."

"Wow, _upper east_ huh? That's like super expensive."

"Yes I suppose so but I must remind you of the fact that we have been alive for many centuries so we have a lot of connections and past jobs to tie us to the higher societies. Besides there are some noble covens that are considered elite. They too have given us the means to make our own small fortune. I have no doubt that your intellect will sever us well Quinn, and soon enough you will be able to start your own small fortune."

"I'll be rich?"

"Well if you choose to be, it all comes down to **choices** Quinn. Everything from her now on will be decided by the choices you make."

"That sounds really scary."

"It is quite all right Quinn. Do not worry that pretty little head of yours, your friend will arrive soon enough and I am sure you will need all your courage and attention to manage the outcome of said conversation."

"Yeah, you're right. _As always_."

"You will come to find that even I make mistakes Quinn. In fact I have made a lot of them. I learned from them and it is therefrom that I gained my wisdom."

"So I'm meant to screw up so that I can learn from it?"

"You are most likely to 'screw up' a couple of times yes, but as long as you learn from it you will become a better person because of it. Now I hear her coming so I shall depart and grant you two your much needed privacy."

"Oh right, huh yeah now that you mention it. I can hear her muttering and cursing all the way from here!"

"It's a matter of **paying attention** Quinn. But that is a lesson for later. Have a pleasant evening Quinn. I shall come to you tomorrow afternoon around four?"

"Yeah, sure. Here, that's a key, just use it to get in and all."

"Are you sure?"

"I trust you. It's weird since I have trust issues and all but I simply trust you for some kind of reason that I do not understand myself."

"Thank you Quinn."

"No thank _you _Nathan."

"You are very welcome."

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**So what do you guys think of Nathan? Should he stay or not? Should she join the clan or are you guys more of glee members centered fans? Let me know!**


	11. Feed me

__**Hey you guys! Here is another chapter, it's a bit short, i do apologize for that! anyway it's a quinntana chapter and there will be a fzw of those coming up soon but unlike this one those will be filled withh faberry memories and references so don't lose faith in me or this story cause Rachel will turn up again soon and it will be entirely unexpected.**

**please review and tell me what you think!**

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Last time on 'i won't but i will' :

"_I trust you. It's weird since I have trust issues and all but I simply trust you for some kind of reason that I do not understand myself."_

_"Thank you Quinn."_

_"No thank you Nathan."_

_"You are very welcome."_

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As he closes the backdoor behind him i release a long sigh. I can smell Santana already and I hear her mumbled cursing although it's still pretty far. I'm thinking she's probably pacing up and down the drive way, figuring out how she's going to do this. I can't blame her; I messed up our perfect routine. Usually we would text or IM about our day but when we'd call it would mean something different. It either meant one of us was thinking about our lost other halves or we'd just feel alone or even simpler, we'd want to feel something other than the dreadfulness a successful but lonely life brings with itself. It was simple. She'd knock twice, I'd open the door. She would stand there looking sexy as hell like usual and I would be too. She'd have a bottle of wine with her and I'd already be dialing the number of the local Chinese restaurant for takeout. She'd smile that 'I want you' smile and brush past me. From then on it'd be passionate sex until we heard the delivery guy. She would always answer the door dressed in nothing but a very short towel and I'd hide behind the corner of the living room sniggering at the kid who would stammer too much and tell her it was all on him. After that we'd eat because it's necessary to last through the entire night. By morning I'd get up first and make us breakfast. When she'd come down there is some more teasing and afterwards we'd be Quinn and Santana again, the two best friends.

But now in the three months I had spent locked up in my room, neither of us knew if the routine was still the same. Since I am not and she knows that, it's likely that change is to follow. All I know is, that I can't lose her. I really can't afford to lose Santana since she is the only one who understands me and knows how to handle me. Sure she's no Rachel, we fight a lot more, we don't have that second nature thing, we do not finish each other's sentences, she cannot for the life of me read my mind or my moods by one look, she doesn't eat vegan, she hates musical tunes and makes fun of my dorkiness. But what we do have is years and years of friendship which makes her know me and get me and understand me and accept me completely for who I am and she unlike others, does not try and change me at all. It's the same for her I know. I'm no Brittany. We are not the first loves of each other's lives. But we do love each other and the sex is great. Both her and I are ruined for anybody else because of Brittany and Rachel but somehow we've actually grown perfect for each other. Realizing this I pull the door wide open and I am met with a sight of a determined Santana with her fist ready to knock on my door the way she always does.

"Hey bitch."

Her tone is different, I notice it immediately. It breaks my heart to see her so insecure all of a sudden. Because I broke our routine. She's trying to be nonchalant about it, she tries to pretend like it's all okay but it isn't. Not yet anyways. I have to fix it first, fix us.

"Hey san."

She notices the softness in my voice and looks up. I can see tears shining but she's blinking furiously to try and keep them from falling. She hates crying. We both do but I know it will be inevitable tonight. Everything is going to change. So I smile a watery smile and step aside to let her in. She picks up twee grocery bags and brushes past me. The sensation of her cinnamon spiced smell and the brushing of her leather jacket against my t-shirt clad stomach sends a chill down my spine. It's only now I notice how much I have also missed her physical presence. Just as much as her mental one, I need it. I crave it. But that could be the vampire hormones taking over. I just feel so damn antsy and the fact that I'm hungry for blood doesn't do any good to the situation.

I grab her am as she's going to the kitchen and spin her around to face me. She drops the bags in the second that it takes before she's pressed against my body and I am holding her in a bone crushing hug. Suddenly I hear her gasping for breath and struggling. I realize I am using way too much power for her human body to handle so I loosen my embrace enough to make still make it feel tight but without hurting her. I can feel her hot breath on my ear when she starts whispering.

"God Q, you're _fucking_ fast! And strong!"

I only nod, clinging to her like a lifeline.

"What happened Q Ball?"

I just start sobbing in her arms and I feel so stupid but she doesn't pull away. She starts rubbing slow circles on my back and humming a Spanish lullaby in my ear. I can feel the panic calming down and before I know it the circles bring back the humming in lower parts of my body. I will the thoughts away as I gently pull away.

"A lot San and you're not going to believe it."

"As long as you swear to tell the truth I believe anything you say Blondie. You know I trust you right?"

I nod once.

"I trust you as well San, which is why I need to tell you but I just.."

She leads me towards my couch and sits down with me. Immediately I curl up against her and lay my head in her lap as she sits in Indian style.

"I know it's gotta be big Q. Otherwise you wouldn't have shut me out for months. Thinking you was **dying** and all, shit Q, that shit ain't easy."

"No it isn't."

"So what gave you the bugs huh?"

"I got bitten. One night I was out and leaving the café..."

"Yeah yeah, it was a book night again right?"

"Mhm, I was on my way home and suddenly I got pulled into this little dark alley and this guy was pushing me up against a wall and I couldn't get away..."

"Did… **shit** Q, did he... Did he _do_ anything?"

I looked up at her and watched those deep brown eyes stare back at me with concern blazing and behind it I could see the anger building up, just as much as the fear and pain was making her squirm underneath me.

"He didn't… _rape_ me or anything... But he bit me instead."

I could hear the intake of her breath; the shock was evident in her body language. I could feel the stiffness of her muscles underneath my hand that was resting on her legs.

"He... _bit_ you?"

"Mhm and then there was a little boy who pulled him away from me and said he was sorry while he pushed some liquid down my throat..."

"A boy?"

"Yeah he's ten, or at least he's been ten for a while now. Suddenly that kid snaps my neck. Anyway the next thing I know is I wake up in my room thinking I just had a bad nightmare but when I looked into the mirror I saw them. The wounds. On my neck."

I could feel her stare shifting.

"They're gone now, they've healed. I remembered how the little boy told me I had to wait three days to die but I didn't and months went by."

"Then what?"

"Well then I got a house call from the biggest _diva_ we know..."

"Mercedes?"

"No San, not Cedes, she's nowhere near New York. No it was Rachel Berry, _the one and only_. She had found out I was sick and somehow managed to get inside my house. Anyway I just, God…"

"Shit man, calm Q don't wind yourself up too much you're gonna rip of my leg."

I loosened the death grip I had on her leg and sighed while rubbing my temple.

"She was waltzing around telling me what to do and acting all _concerned_… we had a fight and I could feel the rage coming up and all I knew was that I had to taste her, I just had to have her. That's when it happened."

"You slept with berry?"

"No I didn't _sleep_ with her. I **bit** her and drained her blood. She almost died San! I almost _killed_ her and she was there just dying, in my arms and I was so scared that I was going to lose her and…"

Santana was ricking me back and forth slowly as she shushed me.

"But then i revived her just in time but while she was in the room all i could think about was either how much pain she caused me or how much i just wanted to _suck_ her blood again. So i had to start another fight to make her leave again."

"You uhm, I'm sorry if I got it wrong but _you_ **bit** _her_?"

"Yeah I did, I bit her and I drained her as well. God I don't know how I was able to stop! She tasted so damn good, fuck I just goooood, it makes me want to feed so bad just thinking about that smell but..."

"Q! Hold up, what the fuck? You _drained_ her blood? What are you _hallucinating_ or something? Do you have a fever?"

Worriedly she puts a hand on my forehead but I shake it off. I pull myself up and square my shoulders when I stare her dead in the eye.

"I'm a **vampire** San. A blood _sucking,_ daylight walking, _fangs showing_ fucking **vamp**."

She just stares at me, mouth wide open.

"I'm everything you're thinking about right now."

Her mouth grows even wider.

"_Shit."_

She shakes her head trying to clear her mind. It doesn't make sense. I know. I am the one going through it yet I can't even make sense of it.

"Shit _indeed._"

Then she starts to smile, slowly and kind of creepily.

"Wow."

"Sort of yeah."

"That's…"

I cut her off and offer her enough words for her to take her pick.

"Horrifying? Awful? Monstrous? Terrifying? Ugly? Horrible? Freaky? Creepy? Uh..."

"**Cool!**"

I look at her confused.

"That's awesome!"

Now it's my turn to sit and stare in shock with my mouth wide open.

"You think me being a vampire is cool?"

"Well yeah, I mean it's gotta _suck_ – haha no pun intended – but I mean it's kind of freaking cool when you think about it."

"That I was not expecting?"

"What you'd figured I'd run for the hills or something?"

"Something like that.

"Yeah well, I'm not. Your my _best friend_ Q, you ain't getting rid of me anytime soon."

I sigh out of relief.

"Thank god."

"No thanking the big old lord for nothing, it's all **me** darling!"

I snigger and punch her lightly on the arm or what I consider to be lightly when she suddenly cries out in pain.

"Shit Q that fucking **hurt!**"

"Sorry, I'm not really controlling myself just yet."

"Uhuh so I've noticed. Sooo…"

"So?"

"Can you show me some tricks?"

"I'm not a dog Santana!"

"No but you are a _beast_!"

"Take that back!"

"**Make** me!"

Before I know it we're running around the kitchen table when Santana's stomach growls loudly.

"Now that all that emotional shit is over it's time to get serious."

She takes on a no nonsense stance and I place both of my hands in my sides, waiting for what comes next.

"You need to _feed me_ Fabray."

I look at her incredulously.

"What? Don't look at me like that! I'm hungry! Now let's go make some food."

"You mean me cooking while you watch and comment on my every move?"

"Yeah yeah that's what I said now get going Fabray! I ain't gots all those superpowers to keep me satisfied!"

I laugh loudly as I watch her walk into the kitchen, her ass swaying seductively.

"Stop staring at my ass Fabray!"

"You wish Lopez."

"Yeah yeah in your dreams _Vampray_!"

I roll my eyes at the new nickname and strut to the kitchen. This means I'm standing in front of the stove even before she's sitting down on the barstool on the other side of the breakfast bar.

"Fast save Q. Now cook me some food!"


	12. Baking cookies

**Hey guys sorry it's been so long, anyway this chapter is heavily on th Quinntana and finally introduces the VampGang. no worries you faberry lovers i know this complicates things a bit but i do intend to bring all the rightfull couples back together by the end but honestly, after what Rachel did you did not expect me to go and make things easy on her now did you?**

**Anyway, read and review guys! those make my day!  
**

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Last time on I won't but I will:

_"Stop staring at my ass Fabray!"_

_"You wish Lopez."_

_"Yeah yeah in your dreams Vampray!"_

_I roll my eyes at the new nickname and strut to the kitchen. This means I'm standing in front of the stove even before she's sitting down on the barstool on the other side of the breakfast bar._

_"Fast save Q. Now cook me some food!"_

* * *

"I am not your housekeeper you know.."

Santana merely chuckled at my response and held up her phone towards me.

"Yeah well, this text message _right here_ gives me the right to ask for food or did you not promise me cookies?"

I smiled at her and got the supplies out of the bags. I immediately started to weigh every single component I would have the need of and usually that boring work took me about twenty minutes or so but this time I had it all measured to the gram in seconds. Surprised at my own speed I took a step back and admired the perfectly arranged counter top in front of me. I had not just weighed it all perfectly, I had ordered it in the chronicle timeline I was going to need it as well. I fell pride sting in my chest and puffed arrogantly while sticking my two thumbs under my imaginary suspenders before fake spitting at the kitchen flour. Santana watched me very closely and I could see the curiousness in her eyes before a smile took over her beautiful Hispanic features and soon enough an infectious laughter came tumbling from her lips.

Now that my sight had been improved I could see her more clearly now then ever before. The perfect complexion of her tanned skin wasnow twice as radiant to my eyes than it used to be. The plump, red lips grabbed my eyes and had me staring at them completely fascinated. They looked so soft and inviting. Ofcourse I knew how soft they were, I had kissed them before but I could only help but wonder how they would feel now, pressed against mine.

I realized quickly that the anger and the frustration from seeing Rachel had brought out my hornyness also. I could not deny how good Rachel had smelled and how drinking her blood for the first time had turned me on beyond belief but now as Santana stood before me suddenly I could feel the hunger coming back. And it wasn't the thirst I was feeling, it was pure and unadultered lust. I let my eyes roam the rest of her figure as they travelled from strong, musceled arms to her toned abs underneath her tank top. Her hips had the delicate curve of a woman and those jeans were hugging her just right. I continued to travel down her long legs before bringing my eyes back up to face her. All the while she had been silent, letting me explore her with my eyes and without a doubt she had been watching my facial expressions every second of it. She could always read me like a book and although she couldn't handle me on instinct as easily as Rachel could, she had learned from all these years of being together, being best friends and going through what we did. I knew she would understand what I wanted but I was not sure if I could risk it. I had no idea what it would do, being a vampire now and all I had no idea of how it would affect my performances in bed. I was mostly worried about hurting her I realized.

"Stop worrying Q. Those lines are gonna give ya wrinkles and I don't like _my women_ to have **wrinkles**."

I chuckled and saw the smirk playing on her lips. I nodded once and curled my finger, telling her to come closer to me. She obeyed rather quickly and approached me slowly, swaying those hips of hers some more for my pleasure. I smirked proudly, I had 'one of the hottest bitches in town' ready to do anything to be with me, to let me fuck her and let her fuck me. It was exhiliarating to know I had that much power over her and especially now looking like I did I must've been irresistible. For humans at least.

"Damn Q, I gotta say that virus you caught has turned you into a true _vamp_ allright."

I smiled seductively at her and circled my arms around her waist pulling her closer to me. Her body swiftly followed and molded so softly against mine. All of our curves were touching in the right places and her hands had found their way to the back of my neck just below my hairline as she was playing with the little hairs. To come to think of it, she had learned a lot about what I wanted in the sack too. But I had too and I knew when she liked it rough – like those times when Brittany would call and break her heart all over again – or when she liked it soft, when it was just the two of us and we really just wanted to feel connected to someone, to feel loved even if it was not with our respected soulmates, we loved eachother and sometimes we wanted to show it to eachother.

I could tell this time even though both of our libidos were going crazy – I wondered if she had slept with anyone else during these last months – I did not want this to be a lust craving, mind blowing wild round of sex. I wanted to take it slow, I was just to cautious with the prospect of hurting her to try and act completely foolish for once. The vampire in me did not like that thought very much since I could feel it trying to push me to be more aggressive and more demanding but I pushed back. I did not want to hurt my best friend. I could not do that to her.

"I don't.."

I sighed. This was going to be hard for me I could feel it. I could smell her arousal, as the sweet cent invaded my nose and took over my senses I realized I had not even finished my sentence before her lips were on mine. In my head I was protesting this, I had to tell her to be carefull with me, to net get herself hurt but I could hardly control my body as it punced on her. I kissed her back hungrily, as I felt the endorphin cursing through me, alerting evry fibre in my being. Before I knew what I was doing I had instinctively turned her around so that she was standing with her back against the other counter that had been previously behind me next to the fridge. I pressed myself even more against her and my hands rubbed her thighs before hoisting her up the counter in one swift movement. As I moved south with my kisses and peppered them along her neck I could feel her encouragement as she tugged on my hair ad let out a deep throaty moan. I liked her pulse and felt it throbbing under my lips. Before I could do anything about it my fangs were starting to slide out again and I scraped the razorblades softly against her skin. I could feel he rbecome even more submissive and pushing my head against her neck even more. That's when I realized what could happen if I did not take any control over this situation and pulled back.

We were both panting heavily as she looked at me through hooded eyes, pupils black with lust.

"_I don't want to hurt you._"

There I said it. I was so rpoud of myself for getting those words out of my mouth as the smells of our arousels combined themselves in an intoxicating fuel that was tingling in my brain trying to seduce me into taking her right there and then. The vampire in me was struggeling to keep me going but I refused and pushed it back down.

She looked at me and I could see her coming back to her senses. Her hands came up to cup my cheeks as she looked at me with love filled eyes. I could feel the shift in our relationship as it enfolded. I had been completely selfless with doing this. There was nothing in it for me this time, in fact it was literally hurting me to stop this and tell her my biggest fear. I was at my most vulnerable and she knew it. A tear rolled down her cheek before she leaned in ever so slowly and kissed me softly on the lips.

"We can't do this, how much I want to though but we can't. Not until I know for sure how to cope. How to deal with this. I can feel my vampire pushing me, trying to take over, not caring whether I hurt you or not but I _refuse_."

I took her hand and placed it on my heart with sad eyes.

"This thing is **tainted** now San. I don't expect you to take it, you deserve so much better but if you want.."

I took a deep breath as I said this. I knew what I was doing. Even though I loved Rachel with everything that I was, she would never love me back. I had lost my heart to a soul mate who would never be able to give hers in return and here stood this beautiful, intelligent, sweet, caring, bitching, noisy, sleek, caring, feisty Hispanic woman that I had known since kindergarten and who had stayed with me through it all and still somehow found something in me to love. I wanted her to have whatever was left of my battered heart, I wanted to give her a home to come back to every night. I know I'm not easy, I know there will be plenty of fights but I loved this woman and she loved me so we would be okay. I knew I was no Brittany and I knew if she ever showed up here I would have to let her go, back to her own soul mate but for now, since neither of our truest loves would turn up on our doorstep anytime soon, _I wanted to be hers and have her be mine._

She squeezed the skin under her hand as she balled up the fabric in her fist. Emotions were swirling in her dark brown eyes. I could feel her trembles and her deep pain and her even more prominent love settling deep in my core.

"You, Lucy Quinn Fabray are one of the most beautiful and intelligent and loveable _'creatures'_ to ever walk upon this earth and I know she fucking broke your heart into **millions of pieces** and I know that whatever you are going through right now cannot be easy chica, but I promise you that _you are not tainted_, you are not _broken_. Maybe you're a bit lost right now _mi Corazon_, but you'll get through it like you always do. And it would be my pleasure to keep those bits of your heart safe until she comes back to glue them all together and if she doesn't I will do **my best** to do it myself. I do hope it means if I have to put up with you at least you'll take my shitty heart in return."

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I looked at her. This was one of the most profound conversations we had ever had and this promise was no doubt the biggest one we had ever made to anyone. Except for the I love you's we had traded with them.

"Ofcourse I'll take your badmouthing and cluttering ass in return."

She pulled me close as I felt her laughter vibrating through me. I laughed as well trying to relieve some of the tension and seriousness that this confession had brought upon us.

"So when do I move in?"

I pulled back confused as she smirked at me again while wiping away her tears.

"Oh don't act all _daft_ chica it does not look good on you."

Again I just stared at her dumbfoundly.

"You have a big shot house and I have a tiny little apartment in the freaking middle of new york city, now where do you suppose it would be best to start are little love nest huh?"

Suddenly I understood. She meant it in every possible way. We would be together now, and by together it really meant together this time. We were no longer eachothers best friends with benefits, we were officially _girlfriends_. I smiled at this realization. It would be good for us to have only one home. To make this house our safe place, our little own nest.

"How fast can you pack your bags?" I asked her.

"I'll go get them in the morning."

"Good."

I hugged her really close and then suddenly she turned me back around and shoved me towards the well organized counter.

"Now that all that is sorted, I want my cookies so start baking princess!"

I chuckled but started doing it anyways. And while I was making the dough and baking the platters of cookies she would kiss me sweetly on the check or tease me by throwing some flower on my head and instead of it feeling any kind of weird as one would assume it could feel after such a commitment having been made, it didn't. we were just us again instead now we were exclusive. No more sleeping around with other people and no more making stupid decisions on our own. We were in this together. As I mulled it all over in my head I felt more at ease than before she had waltzed back into my life, more sure of everything. I knew I ad Nathan and his clan to help me get through all of this vampire stuff but it was nice knowing that I still had someone left from my old world to help me keep my humanity. I was halfway through baking all of the cookie dough when the bell rang. Santana realized I was in no position to go and answer the door she hauled her lazy ass from the barstool and made her way towards my front door.

"Holy crap!"

I hear her say before hearing a series of voices shouting out.

"Hey Q, I think we gots _visitors_."

I saw her emerge from the hallway with little Nathan in tow. Behind them however stood a group of strange but extraordinarily beautiful looking people, some with fangs out and growling slightly towards her and other smiling friendly my way.

"Listen Miss, I know I said I would wait a while before I introduced you to my clan but they were very excited to meet you. So they have simply took it upon themselves to track me down and blackmail me into letting them see you."

I interrupted his speech with a gentle reprimand.

"I told you before Nathaniel, it's Quinn."

The boy blushed and nodded.

"Yes indeed Quinn, I am very sorry. Old habits die hard I suppose. Anyway I have tried ot stall them in the best manner I could possibly think of to buy you and your friend.."

"_Girlfriend._"

Santana corrected him lightly but it turned his head towards her with surprise.

"How come?"

I stepped in before Santana could to keep him from asking more questions. For now we were only trying to work it out purselves, we didn't need the Spanish inquisition to dawn on us.

"I asked her today. It seemed right."

_We're both done waiting. We love eachother and we know eachtother. She has decided to stick with me and ride this one out together. Please don't ask anything else, we don't even know it ourselves right now._

**Ofcourse Quinn, I understand. It does change some things a bit but that is alright, we will work this out.**

"Oh good, you could really use the stability right now. I have not introduced myself yet have i?"

He offered his hand to Santana who inspected it and then glanced at me. I gave her a big smile and nodded. She understood that this boy meant something good for us so she shook his hand firmly.

"So midget, what's up with the **vampgang** here?"

All of them looked mildly insulted and she stepped back in fear with her hands raised. I walked to her and possesivly wrapped my arm around her waist.

"Don't mind her words. She means it all in a nice way but she just doesn't think about what words are actually leaving her mouth."

She play punched me on the arm and smiled.

"Hey watch your own mouth _Vampray_."

I laughed good naturedly and kissed her cheek quickly before looking back at Nate. His eyes were happy and he had a small smile playing o his lips.

**I think you look really dashing together Quinn. She's good for you, I can tell.**

_Thank you Nathan, that means a lot._

We both smiled at eachother when suddenly a red headed, blue eyed girl opened her mouth to speak.

"So, uhm, Quinn?"

I nodded slightly.

"You got some blood in tha house perchance?"

Her accent was a thick Irish coat surrounding that high, melodic voice that rang like a song in my ears. She must've been a soprano before she got turned.

"Uhm, well actually, no I don't. And you're not feeding on my girlfriend either so."

This caused all of them to laugh wholeheartedly as they started spreading themselves towards the kitchen and living room.

"She's a good one, I like her Nate."

A dark haired, green eyed man with a beautiful Asian complexion said with a booming voice.

Nate just shook his head laughing.

"Don't mind them." He said.

"You'll get used to it after a while."

He walked towards the kitchen as well until only Santana and I were left standing in the hallway. We both smiled at eachother and followed the masses into the kitchen ourselves. Until suddenly I heard a clang.

"Jade you_ clumsy cow_ now look what you did!"

* * *

**So what did you guys think? Should i wait a lot longer before i bring the brittany history up or you not really that interested in it? When do you want Rachel to come back? Soon? or would you rather have Quinn al nice and settled without leats expecting it?**

**let me know!  
**


	13. The talk

**hey you guys, i was on the plane to Fuertuventura and now that i have a laptop i thoight, why not be a little productive and grace you with another chapter? So here it is, i was stuck on that plane for four hours so it's a bit longer than most of my chapters!**

**This time i am introducing the group a little and setting up some tension, things can't be going to easy now can they? Trust me Rachel will be back soon, in another chapter or two she will make her way back into Quinn's life.. Guess she's in for a surprise then huh?**

* * *

****Last time on I will but i won't:

"_Don't mind them." He said._

"_You'll get used to it after a while."_

_He walked towards the kitchen as well until only Santana and I were left standing in the hallway. We both smiled at each other and followed the masses into the kitchen ourselves. __Until suddenly I heard a clang._

"_Jade you clumsy cow now look what you did!"_

* * *

I was next to 'Jade' the second I heard the clang and looked at the vase lying on the floor in little bits and pieces. Honestly it wasn't that bad I thought but 'Jade' seemed to think so. Her piercing brown eyes were already watering and I could tell from the heaving of her chest that she was close to sobbing. Not really understanding why, I took her in my arms and rubbed her arms with my cold hands while whispering in her ear.

"It's okay you know. It's just a vase, not even an important one at that. Don't cry."

The dud in the far left corner however decided to open his mouth again and mumbled something about the expensiveness of the vase. True, it was a very expensive vase but I had only taken it from my father's office a long time ago to make a statement. I remember how we fought and fought over our past and my present, or well then present. I blamed him for the way I had turned out; I hated him for what he had done to me, to mom and especially to Frannie. She was out there somewhere in the world, being the biggest bitch she could be because it was the only way she knew how to be.

At least I had had Brittany when I was younger, and Santana. Even though the latter had always acted like as big of a bitch as I had at school, she had never been like that outside of it. Nobody understood that it was the way she was needed to be. Who would protect Brittany otherwise from all the jocks and other bitches prancing around the school looking for an easy victim? Brittany was people smart; San and I both knew that but to be honest other than dancing those beautiful muscles she had been of no use. She wouldn't even harm a fly, for real she made Santana catch it with a glass and a piece of cardboard and set it free in the yard again. She was way too sweet back then, way too innocent. But that had faded over time and when she ended up in the real world she actually managed to ruin her and Santana's relationship. This had seemed impossible until I found San crying on my doorstep three years ago. It was finally over, done and gone. Ever since then our friendship had grown deeper and deeper and one night I think it must've been about a year and a half ago she started sleeping around again. Just like I had done a year after Rachel's painful words and the final confrontation. But it got messy and sticky, some girls refused to understand that we weren't looking for anything more than a one night stand. Some even stalked us. Only this house was our safe haven. We had sworn never to bring anyone to this place except well, for Brittany and Rachel. So they were the only ones who knew where to find us if we weren't at San's place or mine. I bought this house with some of my father's money when one my friends said he could easily hack his bank accounts if wanted. I had called home that night and my mother was struggling with finding a job and making ends meet. She said she was happy that at least I got a scholarship so she didn't have to worry about that anymore but there was still mortgage to pay and living in new haven had proven to be very expensive. I hated dorms you see. So I told my friend to go ahead if he thought it would work. And it did. For months he kept stealing small amounts from all of his bank accounts off shore, so he never even realized until it was too late that someone had run off with more than half of his secret stash of money in the Caribbean. I bought a house in New York since I figured that I would spend the rest of my life there with Rachel. We had even gone house shopping and once Brittany knew about this both she and Santana had tagged along. Together we chose a house that would be perfect for the four of us even. _But now there were only two of us left._

"It's not important; it was my dad's anyways."

That seemed to send the girl over the edge. She started sobbing uncontrollably and I heard the big guy sigh. I sent him one of my HBIC glares, the ones I was famous for and he cowered back into his little corner. Santana had come to stand by me and left her hand on the small of my back in a comforting gesture. I immediately relaxed at her touch. She looked from the girl to me and back again with her eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. I shrugged; I had no idea why the girl was sobbing over a vase. I rubbed her back with slow circles hoping it would calm her down at least a bit.

Suddenly there he stood; my heart was beating twenty thousand miles an hour. I remembered him vividly now. The beautiful man, the man who had bitten me, the man who had turned me without explanation. I felt a strong pull towards him when he stepped into the room. It was weird the way I wanted him to acknowledge me. He finally looked at me, his eyes however were nothing like I had expected. They were a strange blue, almost purple like and they swam with regret. It almost pained him to look at me and suddenly I could feel what he was feeling if only for a fleeting moment I could feel his guilt, his shame ad his regret coursing through me before it disappeared just as fast as it had showed up. It seemed however I was not the only one to have felt it. The girl in my arms had whimpered softly as had Santana. Me, the dude in the far left corner and the redhead however had not even flinched. Suddenly I felt calm and safe, like woolen blanket had wrapped itself around me. I didn't know where it came from but the girl in my arms visibly changed. She crawled out from under my arms and went to him. He wrapped his arms around her and suddenly the feeling was fading. She however, rested her head calmly on his chest and stayed there in his arms contently.

Santana seemed troubled, she was uncomfortable I could tell. Her posture was stiff and rigid. Her eyes were darting around the room and her hands were balled in fists. I recognized her attitude immediately; she was alarmed and ready to pounce any second. I knew I had to get her out of her own head, for everyone's sake. We were standing in the middle of a room filled with vampires and I had no doubt that these creatures were far superior to me even the blonde girl who had been sobbing minutes earlier. Speaking of the blonde, she was watching Santana closely. Her eyes were very subtle but I could see the fascination on her features and the widened pupils. Her attitude suddenly shifted from curiosity to concern. That's when her eyes settled on mine. She blushed shyly for being caught staring at my girlfriend and she dropped her eyes to her shoes. I felt weird at the gesture. Somehow I had always been so sure that Santana would never be with anyone else, no one but me ever since Brittany broke her heart but here this girl was checking her out. A vampire, a blonde and maybe she did not have hazel eyes and no she didn't have the blue eyes Brit had either but she was beautiful, she was just unreal and suddenly I felt threatened by her. I had just found my peace, I had just begun to finally fee secure about my surroundings and now here this girl was, stirring things up. I sent her a glare and even though she never raised her eyes to meet mine I could tell she felt it when a small shiver rolled down her spine. I glared again for good measure and wrapped my arm back around Santana who was still lost in her own world.

That pulled her out of her thoughts and I could feel her stiff body relaxing under my touch. I drew slow circles on her back and pulled her into me. I was marking her for everyone in the room to see, I was making it clear to everyone that she was off limits. It didn't seem fair in a way to deny San the possible chance of true happiness but I just couldn't let her go, not yet anyway. Maybe if it were to be true love, maybe I could be selfless for a change and let her go but the thought alone of doing that made my heart hurt and my head fill with anxiety. For now this thing we had agreed upon may not be true and passionate love like in the movies but it was love none the less and the sex was passionate enough to keep us both satisfied. Or at least it had been. _We'd have to figure that one out later on as well._

The blonde had watched the entire exchange and I could see the dejection all over her features, her eyes brimming with tears again but this time she didn't need the beautiful man to help her calm down. As soon as she caught my eye, a mask pulled over her face and it smoothed out like an iron plate, not letting any emotion through. I stared at her slightly in awe; this very emotional person had just done something that had seemed almost impossible for her to do. It was then that I realized I had better made sure to be friends with all of them, or at least allies. They were to powerful for me not to notice.

Suddenly there Nathan stood with two baking trays filled with the cookies I had been making right before the gang arrived.

"What happened _now_?"

He sighed and seemed annoyed with the gang, almost like a father berating his children. The beautiful man spoke up before the dude could.

"Jay broke a vase."

"Ah, I see. You **calmed** the situation down?"

"As much as I could but then the _Human_," he said nodding at Santana "got **frigid** and doing so she caught Jade's eye. Which in turn, _Newbie over there_..." he said again nodding at me "did **not** like. I let her perform her _marking_ and then you came in as your _charming self_ with a tray of cookies."

He smiled at Nathan like you would to a brother, it was obvious that the man came in as second oldest, he was wiser and more restrained just like Nathan he seemed in perfect control of himself. Of course except for that night when he had bitten me.

"Jade."

"Yes Nate, I know I know I'm sorry I didn't mean to but I just, _argh_ Daemon just sent out his **hate** again and I couldn't deal and then I felt _her_.." she looked pointedly to me " sadness at the loss of the vase and I just started. There was _no way_ I could have not cried in that situation."

"Yes I understand dear but we are going to have to work harder on those controlling skills I presume because this is simply not acceptable anymore. I know you are on edge right now with what had happened to Declan and _Mary_ but I cannot have you unstable in a room of vampires and humans."

"I know Nate. I'm working on it."

"As far as goes for _The Human,_ she has got a name and quite a bit of a mouth. Do excuse her, she means no harm to us, she is merely the partner of our newest vampire Quinn."

He stepped aside when he introduced me and Santana. The blonde had her eyes on Santana again and the beautiful man just plainly looked the other way. The dude scoffed once and the red head sent me a flirty wink which Santana caught.

"Hey _red riding hood_, keep your eyes of my woman yeah? Or imma go all _Lima heights_ on your pretty little ass."

The red head did not seem disturbed by Santana's outburst instead she looked at the fiery Latina with amusement.

"No worries _sweet cheeks_, I'm sure we will find a _suitable_ experience that will satisfy all willing parties."

At this she looked at the blonde with an eyebrow raised and a smirk dangling from her lips. Santana just stared in complete awe, they were beautiful and I could feel the sudden pull the red head performed. She seemed to arouse only me, San and the other blonde though. It was like she was a magnet and she was pulling us closer and closer to her. I shook my head and cleared my thoughts.

"Ashley, they are new, at least give them a chance to get used to this before using your _thrall_ on them like that. I am not quite sure if they understand the **sexual nature** of our kind just yet and please do not forget that Santana is a mere human."

Ashley merely smirked at Nate and winked at us again.

"Oh I know Nate but it's just such _fun_! Wait until they know **how** we work!"

She turned her head towards the beautiful man.

"You chose well Marc."

Clearly they had a past of some sort together because the words were said in such a false innocent kind of way, she knew she was hurting him and it was pure intentional.

"Ashley."

The cold voice collided harshly with my ears and the red head whipped her eyes back around to face Nathan. One look from the little boy was all it took for her to bow down her head in shame. Then she looked up again and winked just one last time. I nudged Santana with my elbow.

"Stop drooling you _idiot."_

She looked at me and then horror downed on her face.

"Oh my god, Q! I'm **so sorry** , I didn't mean to I just, damn I don't know what that was and all that talk about you guys being _sexual creatures_ and all I just spaced out. Girl, _please_ don't be mad you know **I love you** right, you know you're my partner now right?"

The angst on her expression pulled at my heartstrings. I knew I was easily jealous but honestly I hadn't minded the idea of a threesome, maybe even a foursome. I didn't know where it came from since I had always been kind of a prude but I just knew ever since I fed off of Rachel that I had awakened my libido and it was stronger than ever before.

"It's _okay_ San, I know you love me and your heart only belongs to me." I said pointedly looking at Jade.

"But I get it. There has been a _change_; I can feel it in me. But we just need to take it slow okay? Figure things out first."

She nodded and her shoulders dropped in relief.

"Of course baby."

I looked at her slightly surprised. It was the first time we had used anything but our names or respective nicknames. I smiled slowly at the use of the term of endearment. I could tell she hadn't meant to but somehow it had come out just perfectly natural. That thought alone made me smile even more. I was somebody's baby now. It felt good to belong to someone again.

That's when Nate motioned for us to all sit down and he placed the platter with cookies on the coffee table.

"Now I know this is all a bit messy and we're not all very sure of why it happened but it has. Marcus **has** bitten you, Quinn and now you have become one of us. There is still some knowledge you have to acquire before you can fully know what you are and what you are capable of. I need you to know that so that you can control yourself. If you wish to live among the _humans_ it will be even harder but I can promise you right now I will not give up on you. No matter how long it takes."

He gently squeezed my hand and suddenly the Asian boy stood next to him.

"This is Johnny; he was transformed five years ago by someone not in this clan. He was left by his maker and one night we found him feeding off a human. We helped him get trained and informed and now he is officially one of us. He will probably know best what you are feeling so I suggest you guys might want to try and _talk_ in the next couple of weeks."

The Asian boy extended his hand for me to shake which I did and then he smiled an encouraging smile.

"So," the dude in the corner said. "The question we have all been waiting for."

Jade and Ashley glared at him.

"Just **shut up** Lucas."

"Can you _not_ be a prick for once?"

He smirked and rolled his eyes.

"No I cannot my ladies."

He turned his body towards me and leaned forward.

"You transformed am I correct?"

I looked at him suspiciously but nodded anyway.

"Then you must've fed. Otherwise you'd be lying in your_ pretty rich bed,_ dead."

I ignored his stab at my obvious wealth and kept my gaze steady, waiting for his punch line.

"Where is the body?"

He turned to look at Nate.

"Or did you clean that up for her **too**?"

Nate remained calm like he had been expecting this.

"There was no body."

Lucas rose angrily and pointed an accusing finger at me.

"She **fucking** _fed_ Nate, you're not gonna make me believe there was **no body**! We all have our bodies to count, some of us less than others, some of u even just one but we all have fed to change so **fucking** tell me the truth then huh?"

Nate remained calm and answered in the same exhausted voice.

"There is no body. She stopped herself in time."

Before I knew it Lucas had San by the throat and he lifted her up in the air. I intervened immediately, I pushed him back and kicked him in the stomach so hard he flew across the room and hit the wall with a loud crack before slumping to the floor.

"DO NOT TOUCH HER YOU **ASSHOLE!**"

I was seeing red, my rage was overpowering and I wanted nothing but to rip his throat out however as I was getting ready to pounce I could feel the familiar calmness surround me again. I looked at Marcus and saw his eyes glowing purple again and his stare fixed on me. I realised that it had been his every time who had been toying with my emotions. Forcing me and the others to calm down.

I stared back at the jerk.

"She has _no_ bite marks. That's her _girlfriend_ and she has no bite marks!"

I did not understand what was going on.

"You can't just _stop_ yourself, not the first time you feed! It's impossible; no one has ever done that."

I felt the proudness grow in my chest and stared smugly at the prick lying on the floor, pointing angrily at me.

"Not except..."

I looked at him in curiosity.

"Except **what** you jerk?"

The words were out of my mouth before I even had thought of them.

"Not except it is your _true love_ you're draining. If the love is pure and strong enough there is the slightest chance you can stop yourself right before you've kill them. Tell me, did you try to _bring her back._ Did it not work? Or did it? Then **where** is she because you're parading your _girlfriend_ around for all of us to see but she is not the one you fed on, yet you _claim_ you **love** her."

I fell back into my seat defeated. I had forgotten all about Rachel with the whole Santana situation. Oh no shit! San! I turned to look at her. At first she was unreadable but then her sad eyes turned to me.

"When Q?"

"The day I picked up the phone, or well the night before that really. I don't know if it was past midnight or not."

She nodded sadly.

"So she knows?"

"_No_."

That caught her attention. Nate turned himself towards her and spoke in a serious but warm manner.

"I erased her memory upon the approval of Quinn. _She does not know._"

The dude chuckled again.

"Oh dear Nate, you know that's not going to _last_ is it?"

Nate turned towards him angrily.

"You don't know that Lucas. It is not because it did not work for your love that it will not work for hers too."

Lucas smiled darkly.

"You have no idea what you are doing Nate. True love is something you have never experienced so you have no knowledge on it. You can't stop it old fool. Only **death** can."

He looked at me coldly when he said the last part.

Santana grabbed my hand and I turned towards her.

"We have to talk about this Q. not now though, but _someday."_

I nodded sadly.

"And we need to talk about Britt too."

I scrunched up my nose in confusion.

"I think she might have told Rachel I was looking for you."

I looked at her in surprise.

"The two of them have become rather close now that they're both in LA."

I frowned, that was unsettling.

"I told her you weren't feeling well and you had gone home but I could not find you anywhere and so maybe I thought,"

Realization downed on me and I felt a sharp stab in my heart.

"I had gone to see _her_?"

"You had been acting weird before you know. Like something was coming. I could feel it."

The guilt tripled and I felt so ashamed for making her worry like I did.

"I didn't though; I had **no idea** what was coming."

"Yeah, I know that now but back then I just..."

I took both of her hands in mine and squeezed them real tight, letting her know that what I was about to say was very important. I stared hard into her brown eyes trying to convey my honesty as much as I could.

"I'm sorry San, I am **so so sorry** that you had to call her and _ask_ for me. I _hate_ myself for that."

"Don't. I could've sent an email but I... I was _so scared_ and worried I just dialed her number and well she picked up."

I understood, god how I understood.

"God this is _fucked up_ San."

I sighed.

"Yeah."

She sighed as well but rather of relief than sadness.

"But are we good?"

"We are Q. We got each other. That's all we need now right?"

"Well yeah, that and some cookies."

That got her to laugh and I smiled widely, being happy that I made her laugh again. A real laugh not a fake one either. We were going to be all right her and me; we were going to be just fine.

Until the red head announced that she and Jade were bunking together in the spare room and she wanted no boys near her. The entire house suddenly wrapped up in sleeping arrangements who were albeit begrudgingly being made.

"I refuse. If I wanna shag a boy I'd turn straight. Me and Jade need privacy. I wanna fuck her brains out, it's been fucking ten hours so shut your mouth Lucas!"

"Oh fuck you Ashley, you ain't the boss of me!"

"Oh yeah _fucktard_? Wanna try me eh?" Come on you _twat!_"

"Everybody calm the** fuck** down!"

"Oh you just shut your _trap_ too Marcus, you can bunk with Luke if you want but I need _my Ashley time_!"

"You did not just say Ashley time gorgeous? Surely I can provide you with the same benefits."

"Hey Asian by, you back off **my woman** right now you _perv_!"

"Sorry, just trying to sleep in a bed, red!"

"**HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!**"

Suddenly the room went quiet as Santana stood on the leather chair screaming at the top of her lungs.

"We gots plenty of rooms so no worries."

The silence lasted for a minute before they each picked up some duffle bags, that I hadn't even noticed until now and ran up the stairs trying to beat each other to the rooms.

"And you're supposed to learn from _those_ kids?"

Santana raised her eyebrows. I shrugged and Nate sighed heavily before sinking down in the cushions of the sofa mumbling something like 'vampires, kids, childish, modern days' under his breath. I just smiled. The house was full at last, I felt good about this. I didn't know why but I felt like a member of the family already. I nudged Santana and grabbed her face with both my hands as I kissed her deeply. She didn't complain and when I pulled back she immediately dived back in for another.

Yeah this was going to be alright.

It was going to be just fine.


	14. The call

**I'm so sorry to have been absent for so long. i really hope some of you are still interested in this story? A lot of shit has happened lately and Uni has been crazy so.. I know it's no excuse but i guess i had no inspiration either. I hope you like this chapter. It deals with Brittany first so that i can enter Rachel now next chapter. You might not understand why just yet but it'll all become clearer next chapter.**_  
_

**R&R please?**

* * *

****Last time:

_"__**HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!**__"_

_Suddenly the room went quiet as Santana stood on the leather chair screaming at the top of her lungs._

_"We gots plenty of rooms so no worries."_

_The silence lasted for a minute before they each picked up some duffle bags that I hadn't even noticed until now and ran up the stairs trying to beat each other to the rooms._

_"And you're supposed to learn from __those__ kids?"_

_Santana raised her eyebrows. I shrugged and Nate sighed heavily before sinking down in the cushions of the sofa mumbling something like 'vampires, kids, childish, modern days' under his breath. I just smiled. The house was full at last, I felt good about this. I didn't know why but I felt like a member of the family already. I nudged Santana and grabbed her face with both my hands as I kissed her deeply. She didn't complain and when I pulled back she immediately dived back in for another._

_Yeah this was going to be alright._

_It was going to be just fine._

* * *

I should not have thought that, I seriously just jinxed it. The past days had been going good, no great actually. Each and every one of the vampires had pledged their loyalty to me and said they wanted to help find out what happened to me as much as I did. I learned a lot from them as well.

Nate handed me his advice the way he always did, kind and gentle, served with breakfast in the morning. He had started testing my abilities by telling me to spend time with each vampire. They would often start by telling me what they could do and then they'd show me. The next couple of hours consisted of me trying to learn their abilities, even though I could never quite get the hang of it all. Nate told me that it was to be expected, I was young after all and we still hadn't found out what my "_gifts_" were. I wondered if we ever would.

Nate surprisingly was well in everything. I thought it had to do with his age but Lucas; Mr. Bitter as I had named him, had chuckled darkly at my suggestion. The rest had gone quiet and told me I'd find out soon for myself why Nate seemed to possess every ability they had _and many more._

Before I knew it a month had passed and I was seemingly getting my life back in order. Under the influence of Nate and the persistence of Santana I had reapplied to Yale. Nate had falsified a doctor's report which had me diagnosed with a sort of complicated, rare disease. It explained everything as to why I was absent for three months as well as why I had not been able to inform them.

I had told them I already had a degree in Law, I didn't have to go back to college to finish the writing studies I had been doing prior to my '_accident_'. But they would have none of it. I told them if it was alright, that I wasn't exactly keen on picking up my old job at the law firm again. The hours were terrible, the workload was borderline _menta_l and the bosses were _big shitty pricks_. I was a woman so I always had **more** to prove than the others and even though I loved it when I stood in court I **knew** I had quite the years to go before I would be able to make _a name_ for myself. Now that age was no longer an issue I wanted to wait with that step until I was _sure_ I could put in the time and effort for it. San had kissed me affectionately on the cheek and said she was glad I made that decision, since that meant I would be spending more time at _home_ with her. Home had sound so good to me.

I told her I would like that and Nate cooed at us while the rest, who had just coincidentally walked into the kitchen all at once and had fake gagged or rolled their eyes. Except for _Jade_, she seemed to be more of Nate's approach as she made kissing faces towards us that were not **at all** sarcastically. She really reminded me of Brittany sometimes. But I liked Jade better. She _hadn't_ broken San's heart I guess. San however seemed less keen to Jade, to Jade's biggest disappointment. I guess the resemblance was not only obvious to me.

It was another morning of vampires running around like little kids on a sugar high. I understood that now that being stuck in this town, not going hunting or on an important mission or anything else that would help them release that pent up frustration meant basically that they would find _other_ ways to do that. In reality that meant Lucas sitting in a corner _brooding_ and making phone calls. Nate said he was more the "administrative" person of them all since his love had died _many many years ago_. Jade was a bubbly free lance **painter**, she actually made quite wonderful art. She said she wasn't well known in New York but apparently she was appreciated in the hearts of London and Paris where she had a couple of collections showing in little galleries. Currently she was working on a new series called: _Newbie_. Appropriate I had thought when she informed me that _I_ was the inspiration to her newest work. Not that I identified myself in it. She was a rather abstract painter. Oh well, as long as she was happy I supposed it wouldn't hurt. Artists did tend to grow on me.

_Ashley_, she was the one who went and came whenever she pleased, making appointments in the big city to make sure everything was alright while they were gone. I suppose she was the **force** of things, the one who confronted people and did the threatening and all. She reminded me of the _much younger_ Santana. That strong personality explained why Jade had went to her after losing her lover a while ago needing a **rock,** although from what I heard Jade never stayed too long with someone. Always flying from flower to flower Nate had said. But Ashley kept her grounded _most_ of the time. They just worked.

However Ashley had a couple of lovers on the side as well, both vampires as humans. She referred to them as _fuck buddies_ which yes made me laugh like hell since I could only affirm what I had thought before; she was a _High School Santana_. But yet all of them were still so much unlike said friends that before I even realized it, found that they had quite grown on me.

Life was _good_.

I totally just **jinxed** it. I should've known better other than to say that it would be alright. Half of the _children_ –as Nate calls his group of vampires- were still debating on what food they were cooking tonight. If it wasn't the fact that there was enough option to satisfy them it was about how they didn't like this or that and there was always something they preferred and so on. They were in a way, like little children.

But that was not what had gotten me so riled up. It was the fact that the minute I let go of Santana, with cups of steaming coffee sitting on the counter, there was a call coming in on her iPhone. And I immediately recognized the ringtone that blared through its speakers. She looked at me all frightened and I grabbed the phone from her. I accepted the call and waited for the familiar voice to come through while San was watching me with a pained, horrified expression. I could already see the tears welling up in her eyes and the soft shake in her hands as she balled them into fists by her side.

"Hey San, I just... I _called_ because well..."

"It's not San."

My voice was cold and leveled, after all these years I just couldn't find it in me to forgive. Maybe because I myself was still to hurt.

"_Q_..."

I could hear her sigh; it felt like a slight breeze to my ears. God how I could picture her sitting there, crossed legs and pained expression just like the spicy brunette in front of me.

"Yeah B. It's _Q_. Now what are you doing calling San?"

I tried to keep the anger out of my voice as much as I could. I had once promised Santana when we were younger I would never work out my frustrations on Britt. That was why I and San always bickered. We had been each others verbal punching bags and to any stranger we had always seemed like frenemies going at each others throat but honestly we just said the things we couldn't say ourselves. All my self-hate about the pregnancy, all her secret love for Britt, all of it.

"I...Euhm...Well I _was_ calling to ask about you Q. She called me a couple of days ago you know to ask me if I had seen you. I tried to ask Lord Tubbington but he wouldn't..."

I punched the counter in anger. I hated how she would try and act like the little innocent blonde I knew almost all my life. Like I didn't know any better! Finally the world had gotten to her and turned her into a despicable poor human just like us. Jealousy and anger, irrational demands and clinginess. It had all come up to haunt us when she finally grew up. She never looked at the world through pink glasses again. Gone was that sweet, bubbly blonde.

"**Don't**. Just _don't_ B. Don't try and act like you are **not** different from the Brittany I used to know. Because the Brittany _I_ used to know would've _never_ done what you did."

I heard her sigh painfully and already I could feel her impatience growing. She used to have tons of those.

"Q., look I know you're mad and all but I don't want to lose our _friendship_, I still care about you and I obviously still _care_ about S..."

"How **DARE** you even say that!"

I screamed at her. All humanity leaving my mind once more, I just wanted to pull her through the phone and rip her throat out. The nerve!

"It's _true_, look I know I messed up but I _need_ Sanny in my life on way or the other! I can't **function** without her, she was my best friend and I want that _back_."

I scoffed at that and leveled my voice as I tried to control the venom cursing through me.

"Yeah well we can't always have it all can we B."

I heard her sigh again. She never did that when we were younger. It made her sound so old.

"I thought you would..."

"I would _what_? **HELP** you? No chance in _hell_ B. You lost San as a lover that night and I know for sure she can't be just a friend to you so yeah... _No_."

"But Q..."

For the umpteenth time I interrupted her.

"No just **stop** alright? I can't even _begin_ to think of anything you could say to me right now that would make_ any_ of this okay! You **left** her! You **fucking** left _San_, Britt and you _swore_ to me! You swore on _Lord Tubbington's head_ that if you two were to ever drift apart it would be because **she** loved someone else or both of you just lost that spark or whatever. But you **lied** Britt! You broke your promise to me! Fucking _pinky swea_r and all of it!"

"I know Q! God I **know**! But what do you want me to do? I made a fucking _mistake_!"

She sounded exasperated, like she wanted so badly for me to get her point of view, like there was something I was not seeing.

"No, you didn't. A _mistake_ would've been fucking that guy _once_. But you cheated for **months**! And then you packed your bags and just left? No word of explaining, nothing but the sorry excuse of you falling for another. You broke her Britt. You, just – I can't even _explain_ to you what you did. I'm sure you know it all too well."

There was a couple of seconds of silence on the other end of the phone. The hairs on the back of my neck rising in anticipation.

"I _had_ to leave her Q. There was no other way."

The sentence sounded final, resigned. All the things you'd never expect coming out of Brittany S. Pierces' mouth.

"Maybe not but you could've done it differently."

I offer her a branch. Maybe a sorry would ease up all the hate I felt right now.

"No, not really."

But she didn't take it so explode once more.

"**Why** then? **Why** did it **have** to go like that?"

I could hear her hand going through her hair in a frustrated manner.

"I can't explain to you why I did what I did. I can't tell you why I cheated because honestly that's something I need to tell San first. But I need you to know I couldn't have done it _any other way_ that night or I wouldn't have gone through with it."

That threw me for a loop.

"What does that even _mean_ Brittany?"

"I had to leave because, I was pregnant Q. I found out that day, when I went to tell him we were over the doctor called and...The rest is history."

Well that was a confession, just not the one I had been thinking of.

"**Shit**."

It sounded so stupid coming from my lips. I had no idea what to say. Images of Brittany with a pregnant belly appeared before me. How? When? Was it born? Did Britt have a little girl running around? Or was it a boy? How long had it been? How old would it be? Shit.

"Yeah and I know it's no excuse but I couldn't do it. I already hurt her by _leaving her_ I never thought she'd think I cheated and when she did I just – I couldn't bring myself to break _any_ of that love she still had for me. There was still _something left_ of it and I guess I was selfish and I didn't want to fully destroy it."

"You already had **done** that."

My voice was emotionless. Britt had a kid.

"No I hadn't."

I felt distanced from myself. Was the child there? Could it hear her?

"Yes you did! You **did** when you left her! When you _cheated_!"

Would my screaming voice be the first time it heard me?

"She still **loves** me Q."

What about San? God did the kid even know about San? About us?

"Why on _eart_h would you think that?"

I felt nothing anymore. I had to find a way to break this to Santana gently. How could I bring her this news? It would even break her more or just make her resigned to a future without Brittany. I knew she still hoped one day Britt would crawl back to her, begging for forgiveness on her knees.

"Because _I_ still do."

I wasn't going to give her any satisfaction. Nothing she said had any value left. She fucking kept something this huge from us. From San, from me. For years.

"Wow really and your words means _what_ now?"

If San hadn't called would we have ever known?

_"Ouch_ Q. Just as much as _yours_. You still love _Rachel_ too don't you?"

The name shook me out of my thinking and I could feel my defenses pulling up once again. Walls were rising around my heart as I steeled myself for the next word as I gritted them out between my teeth.

"No I **don't**."

Did rachel know about any of this? The cheating? the _child_?

"Don't lie to me pretty little lamb. I know you do, just like san still loves me. We all still love each other but we made mistakes and _fucked it all up_. That's the _only_ reason we're not together right now."

I seethed.

"San **never** made a mistake. _You did_ and as far as me and Rach are concerned, yes _I_ made the mistake there. I made the mistake of trusting her, me, us. Thinking we had _something_, that's my biggest mistake. Should've known **Finnocence** was meant for her not me."

I hissed the words spitefully, the venom triggering my teeth once more as my fangs descended with the hiss rolling off my tongue.

"You're **wrong** Q! There was something there, god you're just like me and..."

The wrong words hit my ear and I combusted right there.

"Don't you fucking **END** that sentence right there! Me and Rachel were **never** like you and San. You had it **all** and you threw it away whereas me and Berry never had anything so there was nothing to throw away except for a _couple of hopes and dreams_ on my part."

"No it's not Q, Rach she loves you I know she does! You need to.."

I didn't want to hear any more about that crap. She didn't love me. Rachel never loved me. It was all just friends being frisky, there was nothing there. I hadn't turned away from something real. I had imagined it all. I couldn't begin to think I had let Rachel push me away from a future of us together.

"What take your word for it?"

I bit back.

"No! I need you to _forgive_! Me, Rach, yourself! Fucking forgive us,, Q.!

She sounded so desperate. I could feel my resolve weaken. I knew there was nothing I wanted more then to just forgive them. I missed Britt, I missed Rachel so much and I knew these divisions we had created were killing us. We all belonged together. The four of us were supposed to be living next to each other with our kids running around the backyards, best friends just like us. But it never happened. I shook myself from the silly daydream and I knew it would never happen. Never.

"Not a chance Britt."

I hung up and glanced around the room. Everyone had come down the stairs and all of them were scattered around the hallway and the kitchen. Not one of them didn't look worried or pained. I'm sure I must've yelled my share of the conversation and when I felt a thumb wipe away a stray tear I knew I had been crying as well. My cheeks flushed in embarrassment. I hated myself already for showing weakness. Why hadn't I just ended the call sooner? Why did I have to torture myself like that? And San as well! Oh god! San!

I turned around to look for her when I felt her arms wrap around me so tightly I felt like my lungs were crushed in my chest. I gripped onto her just as hard. I could feel her heartbeat beating out of its chest, the goose bumps on her arms, the ragged breath against my neck. Her shaking body in my arms as she was sobbing with all she had. I lifted her up in my arms and moved out of the kitchen. Everyone parted for us and for a second I felt like we were back in the halls of McKinley making our way through the crowd. I remembered the cold HBIC and her strong guardian making sure that threats were clear to those who even thought about undermining us as well as her very own angel keeping them reminded of their soft side. But this was nothing like it. Gone was the cold façade and instead I became the strong but emotional guard, no longer human I was now and the once proud bulldog in my arms now a broken and destroyed small girl. Nothing about us was still the same, I figured. Nothing ever would be.

I climbed the stairs slowly but surely and laid her down on our bed. I felt her whimper when I detangled myself from her and went to pull a small blanket over her shivering form. I sat up against the headboard and as soon as my body hit the mattress he was crawling to me, curling up at my side as ii cradled her in my arms and rocked her gently back and forth, silent tears running down our cheeks. And I cursed myself because Brittany was right, we still loved them an only them would make us whole again. Shaking slightly with anger I was once again reminded of my no longer human state when San groaned in pain. I lessened my grip and tried to be gentler as I soothingly ran my fingers through her hair.

"Can we ever forgive them San?"

A sharp intake of breath.

"I don't know Q. I just know that I want to, oh I want to so desperately."

"I know Sanny, I know."


	15. Knock knock!

**Hey you guys, sorry for not updating so fast as i used to but things are pretty hectic around here. So here's another part and maybe if i still feel up to it i'll write another part. I'm sure you'll be happy to see who has finally graced us with her presence.**_  
_

**R&R please! Enjoy!**

* * *

**Last time:  
**

_"Can we ever forgive them San?"_

_A sharp intake of breath._

_"I don't know Q. I just know that I want to, oh I want to so desperately."_

_"I know Sanny, I know."_

* * *

We must've fallen asleep because the next thing I know I open my eyes to be greeted with the sight of Santana sprawled across my chest, breathing deeply and evenly. There are still mascara streaks on her rosy cheeks and she sniffles quietly in her sleep. My heart aches for her.

I allow myself a moment to indulge in the recent happenings that are screwing with my head. It all starts with Rachel coming by to visit me. She knew I was sick. She got in the house. Of course the latter was easy to explain, I still kept the spare key under the welcome mat just like I used to do at my dorm back in Yale. She must've looked under it and used it to enter the house then. The former question had been answered by Santana. She'd called Britt and apparently both our soul mates were still very much in touch with each other. So obviously Britt had called Rachel to see if she'd heard from me or whatever. It didn't surprise me that Rachel would've gotten it in her head to come search for her herself. Somehow it seemed as if Rachel still cared. And Britt too.

How had it come to this?

The two most _caring_, _gentle hearted_ people that had ever graced this world with their presence had managed to hurt the two _top bitche_s. Karma sure had a way of getting back at you.

I sigh heavily and breathe harshly through my nose. How do you forgive someone who has betrayed you? How do you learn to trust them again? More concrete, how do you trust _yourself_ to know you can trust _them_? Her mind had always been biased when it came to Rachel just like San's had been about Britt. Maybe we just held them too high upon that pedestal? Still, they could've found another way to tumble down from it.

I feel how the Latina stirs from sleep in my arms and I watch her quietly with a frown. I don't know what time it is. It's well past morning; the sun is burning on my skin but not unpleasantly so. I realized I had not closed the curtains either.

"Morning."

Her voice is raspy and sounds tired, as if she had no sleep at all. I know how she feels, I wish I could just close my eyes and drift away again. But the memories never allowed me the peace sleep should bring someone.

"Morning."

I know I don't sound all that much better and I look down to watch those chocolate eyes with caramel swirls swimming in them. I can see the emotion carried in them and I kiss the top of her head tenderly. As I feel her arms wrap around me tighter I wish this could be it. I wish we could stay like this forever. I wish I had never bothered with Rach and she never bothered with Britt. We might've saved each other a big deal of heart ache. This right here felt good, safe and familiar. But we had indulged ourselves in being swallowed up by a form of love so dangerously beautiful and so delicately painful. Sometimes I wondered if we just met our soul mates too early on. Relationships formed in High School never really mounted too much. Was it foolish of us to think we could be the statistics exception? To be honest I and Rach never even got to the relationship level. Although San and Britt used to differ. They used to say we were just like them, only not as hot.

"_So Q_, think you need to tell me what she said to you."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, not sure what to tell her. Did I omit things? Did I censor it? Then again, she would find out eventually. Maybe it was best to hear it from me.

"She was pregnant."

Then again I never was subtle with these things. I blurted things out now, when I was nervous. Ever since I grew from being a cold, bitch like enigma I tried to be honest. Of course honesty meant _no gallantry or charm_ **at all**. It tended to leave my lips just as I thought of it, blunt but blindingly honest.

"That's _why_ she did it the way she did."

I hear her gasp for breath and wait for her to collect her thoughts. Half an hour later after a lot of squirming and gasping for breath I braced myself for her questions. There was only so much I had gathered of information and I knew only Britt had the answers to all of them.

"So she left because she was _scared_? She was scared _and pregnant_ and her first instinct was to run away from _me_?"

I could hear the pain in her voice and ran my hands up her arms.

"She was pregnant S. She was pregnant with _his baby._ How would she have explained that one?"

I could feel her shaking in my arms and just held on tighter.

"She should've **told** me. The **truth**. I would've forgiven her. I think."

"And that _angers_ me San. That's not _right_. She should've **never** cheated in the first place!"

"You know Q, me and Britt we weren't _nearly_ half as happy as we pretended to be. The months she **cheated** we had been fighting _so much_ and the distance it was _killing_ us. I couldn't be **there** for her the way I used to be and when she came out to LA to dance it just became even _harder_. I couldn't make it to half her shows. I forgot to call her, I missed Skype dates. I was so caught up in my _studies_ I lost track of what was most important to me. So she sought comfort in someone else's arms. I'm not saying that it makes it **right** and it certainly doesn't _heal_ any wounds but at least she didn't cheat because she didn't _love_ me anymore. We were just losing each other in the distance."

"You _never_ said that San. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Q. I didn't realize! It was too late when I finally understood how far we'd been drifting apart. She walked out. _I lost her_."

"Yeah well **she** didn't know what she let go."

"Thanks Q."

"Not a _slightest_ problem."

"Q?"

"Yeah?"

"Did she... Did she say she _missed_ me?"

I paused; I didn't know if I should tell her. Should I say she didn't and just selfishly keep on doing this? Keep this family intact even though we didn't belong together? We worked and we clicked and we were enough for each other but we weren't soul mates. We could never be.

"Yeah she did. She says she can't _function_ without you."

"Huh."

"_San?_"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to leave me?"

She looked at me incredulously.

"No! I would **never** leave you!"

"But she wants you _back_ San."

Her eyes widened.

"As a _friend_ though Quinn."

"Well yeah but that's kind of normal, you two can't just jump into a relationship again. She's got a **kid** now. You've got a gap of _three year_s that needs to be talked about."

"Maybe."

"What?"

"_Maybe_ we can be friends. _Maybe_ we can try. But it'll never be enough Q. I can't be **just** friends with her. And i can't go back. Neither can you and _Rachel_."

"I know."

"So no I am _not_ leaving you. What we have, it's _good_ Q."

"I know but it's not **it**."

"but it's _enough_."

"Since when do we settle?"

"Since they broke us."

I sigh. It's true.

"_Q?_"

"Yeah?"

"If Rach came up to you, would you take her back?"

"There is no_ taking back_. We were never together."

"But would you try? To work it out?"

"I don't know. I didn't last time."

"When she was here you mean?"

"Yeah. So many things _happened_ or _didn't_ happen with us and now this whole _vampire thing_. I don't even know what I'm doing half of the time. Add Rachel to that and I have more than I can handle."

"But it's worth it though Q."

"What do you mean?"

"You remember all those little moments don't you? With _her_?"

"Sure."

"Our entire lives may be spent together contently, we might even have kids and really be happy but these _little memories_ they'll eventually still make us happier than _an entire lifetime_ together."

I quietly thought. It was true, just the idea of spending our futures together still sent tingles up my spine. Rachel would always be it for me.

"Do you ever wish we just.."

"Hadn't realized that they were our other halves? Just have been together _from the start_? We wouldn't have worked Q."

"How can you **SAY** that? We work _now_ don't we?"

"Yeah, years and years of being best friends and terrible circumstances led to this. Don't get me wrong, _I love you_ Quinnie but we can only be together because we could never be together with _strangers_ and our soul mates are _no longer_ an option."

I smiled sadly. It was true. We needed them still

"So are you going to call her?"

"Maybe but not **yet**."

"What if it doesn't work out?"

"Maybe I'll be able to **really** move on then."

"With someone else?"

"Nah, I'm pretty sure I'll just fall hard for your ass again."

"I _do_ have a nice ass."

"That got a loud howl from her as she rolled over laughing.

I giggled a bit, happy to make light of the conversation. It was much needed.

"I'm going to make breakfast."

"Yeah, imma take a shower cool?"

"Sure _Hun_."

As she got off the bed and waltzed into the ensuite bathroom I gathered myself and skipped down the stairs. The house was surprisingly empty from a Saturday morning. As I reached the counter I saw a note sticking to the top. Apparently they'd all gone out today to sort out some affairs in the city. I smiled. It would be nice to have the house to ourselves for a day. I smiled and started on the pancakes as I got the bowl filled with batter from the fridge. As I whistled softly I hear a knock on the door. I wondered who it would be; everyone had a key these days didn't they. As San skipped down the stairs I heard the doorbell ringing.

"Hey _sweetie_, will you please open the door? I'm kind of busy at the moment."

"Yeah yeah, gimme a second this sock ain't doin' what I want it to."

I laughed at her poor attempts to get her right sock on her foot. Almost toppling over she frustrated ran her hand through her hair and headed for the front door since the doorbell had rung at least three times now.

"**CALM YO TITS I'M COMING**!"

I chuckled to myself as I heard her voice booming through the hallway. I poured another spoon of batter on the pan and concentrated on making a perfect pancake when I heard the door slam and a pale looking Santana came into the kitchen.

"Who was at the door San?"

I looked up from my pan to watch her face change from fear into anger.

"_San_?"

Her fingers balled into fists she looked at me with fierceness in her eyes and she stormed away again.

"What the **HELL** do **YOU** think you're doing here _Berry_?"

I froze when I heard the name being hissed under her breath. Batter poured into the pan from my dripping spoon as it clanged on the stove. A thousand emotions welled up and I just stood there paralyzed. The burning feeling in my stomach making me light headed, I thought was going to faint.

"Santana? Was it you who slammed the door in my face?"

"Yeah it's me alright hobbit, now answer my _question_."

"I was here to see _Quinn_."

"Oh **really** now?"

I could imagine Santana putting her hands on her hips and staring Rachel down. I actually heard Rach swallow in fear. The stench was still as alluring as it had been when I'd almost drained her. Gathering all my courage I picked the pan up, cleaned it and poured some more batter into it as if nothing happened. Rach didn't know I was a vamp, she had no idea I had heard her. The angry side of me took over and I decided to make it clear how the situation worked now. I almost smiled at my cruel plan. It was time for payback. Of sorts.

"**Sanny**?! Who's at the door _baby_?"

I heard the gasp and I could almost see the smirk plastered onto Santana's face. She'd have no problem flaunting our 'arrangement' in Rachel's face I was sure. I hardly know why I found it so important to make it clear to Rachel I wasn't alone; I had someone, more importantly I had San. Not just some casual fling or some girl she didn't know. I was in a serious, loving relationship now. Maybe it wasn't all that meant to be shit but I bet it was ten times better than what Rach had with that giant man-child.

"Oh **Quinnie** _dear_, we have a _much_ unexpected visitor."

I could hear the amusement in her smirk.

"We'll let them in San, where _are_ your manners? I'll make some extra pancakes."

I heard extra footsteps stepping into the hall and the front door softly closed. San made her way into the kitchen and grabbed me by the collar before lying one on me, Jade would've been proud of.

"Mmm. What was that for _baby_?"

"Just a good morning peck _Hun_. I figured you're gonna need it."

She whispered the last part so that only I could hear.

"San, where is our guest?"

"_Hiding_."

I lifted my eyebrow up and Santana sighed before calling her out.

"Where you hiding midget? Get your ass in here."

I could hear her melodious voice coming closer as she reprimanded Santana for her verbal abuse.

"I'm _not_ a midget Santana; I thought we were **past** nicknames?"

She rounded the corner and stopped flush when she took the sight in. I was looking much like a good housewife making breakfast with my beautiful girlfriend in my arms, at whom I was gazing lovingly.

"Yeah _well_, I thought you were **past** _Finnocence_ but I guess we can't shake all those bad habits can we?"

If she heard Santana's comment she didn't mention it. She just stood there, rooted to the spot. I lifted my eyes from my girlfriend's face to look at Rachel in mock surprise.

"_Why_ look who we have _here_?"

Rachel snapped out of her daydreams and approached the kitchen with little, cautious steps.

"Hey Quinn."

I stiffly nodded and San tightened her grip. I had no idea what to say.

"Want some waffles?"

* * *

**So yeah Rachel Berry is back ladies and gentleman! Don't get too happy though, she's not wanted at the moment and she's going to experience it first hand. Quinna and Santana may be talking about forgiving and trying to work things out but actually doing just that is an entirely different thing! ;) Tell me what you think lovelies!**


	16. Smackdown Part One

__**Hey guys, like i promised, another chapter. It's quite short so don't kill me. it's part 1 of the "Smack Down" between San and Rachel. Don't worry so much, Faberry is still endgame ;) But she deserves some punishment don't ya think?  
**

**Anyways R&R lovelies!  
**

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**Last time:  
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_Rachel snapped out of her daydreams and approached the kitchen with little, cautious steps._

_"Hey Quinn."_

_I stiffly nodded and San tightened her grip. I had no idea what to say._

_"Want some waffles?"_

* * *

"Uhm, I mean, uh _pancakes_...Yeah – pancakes. Want any Rach—_el_?"

I was a stuttering, nervous blob and I hated myself for it. I was weak and so pitiable it wasn't even funny anymore. Sighing Santana let me go and turned around towards the fridge pulling it open. Rachel merely shook her head and stood there, wringing her hands in a nervous manner.

"Whatcha want _Tranny_? Orange or mango? We ain't got no _soy milk_ or any of that shit around."

Santana's voice sounded cold and harsh, anything but what the suggestion should've sounded like. She'd always been taught to be polite t guests even when you couldn't stand them. It was the way the way the Fabrays did it, the way they'd always done it. But Rachel never could quite hide her feelings even when she'd be trying to stay polite and friendly. Santana was her true opposite though; she never hid it when she disliked someone. In fact she usually made it very clear to said person. Right now, that person was Rach. It clearly frustrated her to no end to have Rachel show up like this, unexpectedly when they'd just been talking about them. I understood her quite well. It was one thing to think and talk about possibly forgiving them but it was another to have them standing in front of you and to actually do so. I handed the now half empty bowl back to San and watched as she put the batter in the fridge. I slid the last pancake on to the already made stack on the plate and dumped the pan in the sink. The aggressive hiss of the hot pan hitting the cold water reminded me of the way we were all feeling this morning. It was much too soon yet somehow it had felt like too long.

"Orange juice would be **fine**, San."

Anger boiled up in her eyes and I saw how her fingers curled even harder around the door handle, her knuckles turning white in the process. She pulled the juice box out and threw it at Rachel who catches it clumsily, surprised at the throw.

"You can pour it yourself can't you?"

Rachel nodded shyly once more.

"And **don't** call me San. That's a privilege reserved for_ friends_ only."

Her eyes hardened and I could see the hurt wash over her face for a second until it was wiped away again. I marveled at the control Rachel had seemed to gain over the last years. She used to be so obvious about what she was feeling. It was one of the things I loved about her so much. I guessed people changed.

Santana wrapped her arms around my waist, pulled me close and rested her head on my shoulder and sighed contently. I smiled softly and rubbed her hands with mine before locking eyes with Rachel who was looking at us. Her eyes were wide as saucers and she'd frozen up midway of pouring herself a glass of juice. I cleared my throat loudly and she snapped out of her daze and finished pouring her juice in the glass. A blush rose to her cheeks and she looked away quickly before looking at me again.

"So..."

I urged her to continue with a wave motion of my hand.

"You and Santana _huh_?"

Feeling Santana getting ready to verbally attack Rachel with years of pent up frustration and anger at the petite girl, I jumped in and cut her off before she could even start.

"Yeah. San and I – we're.."

I gestured at our current position and shrugged as the sentence trailed off. Santana sensing that I was at loss for words once more took her chance and got her say in on the matter.

"We're a **couple** hobbit."

It felt odd in a way to hear San say it out loud like that. We hadn't labeled ourselves, we'd just talked about 'it' and 'what we had' but never really said it out loud like this. It felt comforting somehow, to know I wasn't alone. Was in a loving relationship and Finn could suck it. I smiled smugly at Rachel but she didn't notice, she was too busy glaring at San.

"We gots a big house and _a yard_ and everything. We're even thinking 'bout getting a _dog_. French Bulldog or something."

Rachel's eyes hardened at the words and a tight lipped smile was plastered onto her face. I felt my stomach doing butterflies. Here I was, being defended by my girlfriend and Rachel actually realizing what she'd come to lose. I felt victorious.

"Gots a **problem** with that?"

Santana asked her question mockingly, as if she already knew that Rachel didn't seem to like this news for one second.

"No. No I don't really see the problem, I just _didn't_ – it's just really, uhm..."

She looked away and took a deep breath as Santana jumped at her throat again.

"Surprising?"

He voice was mockingly sweet.

"Well you see I beg to _differ_."

Rachel visibly shuddered and stared steady at Santana.

"If you think 'bout it, really think 'bout it..."

San nuzzled her face in my neck and placed a gentle kiss on my shoulder before tightening her hold on me.

"Quinnie and I, we_ found_ each other when you both **broke** our hearts."

Rachel gasped quietly.

"And we _saw_ something we didn't before. I mean we _clicked_ on a whole _new_ level."

She smiled cruelly at Rachel.

"And who would understand us better? We'd gone through the same thing at practically the same time. Both so lost, so hurt, so _broken_."

Rachel looked ashamed but never broke her gaze.

"I could only feel safe in Quinn's arms after that and she felt the same 'bout me. Mix our years of sexual tension into the mix and a couple of bottles of wine and you've got yourself the recipe for a wild, _wild_ night."

Rachel grits her teeth and bit hard on her tongue. I could tell she was getting more and angrier at San's words. Id didn't know if I should interrupt her but I decided against it. It seemed San had a couple of things she needed to get off her chest as well. I never quite thought about how San felt about Rachel's betrayal. They'd been friends also. Just like me and Britt.

"I guess you could say one thing led to another."

Santana continued her monologue as if she hadn't noticed Rachel's hands balling into fists, shaking at her sides, the glass of juice long forgotten.

"And I mean, you wouldn't know obviously but – Quinn is a real _tiger_ under the sheets you know."

A nasty wink accompanied that statement and thank god for my statuesque state or I would've blushed profusely at Santana's statement.

"She's _more_ than a _wildcat_ in bed though."

Another cheeky grin wash shot Rachel's way before she continued once more.

"She's the full package and although the sex is _unrea_l –"another cocky wink, "Quinn she's also stunningly beautiful, she makes the best pancakes ever and she's wicked smart."

I smiled bashfully at San's words. Even though I know she was saying those things to show me off, to stand Rachel up and make her see what she lost, I heard the honesty in her voice. I smiled genuinely and gave her a small peck on the cheek. It was rather nice to have someone stick up for me again, to be loved even if it wasn't all that grand or deep as me and Rachel had been. It was nice to be cared about.

"But I mean you guys were pretty close **buds** back in the day, so I'm sure you already know all of that."

Rachel swallowed visibly and nodded faintly, still never breaking her gaze.

"Except for the more _intimate_ parts I guess."

Santana grabbed my face and kissed me forcefully. I could see Rachel frowning in anger as she shook from the emotion she was holding in at the public display of affection.

"I was Quinn's _first girl experience_ after all."

Biting the insides of her cheeks, Rachel turned her head away, eyes brimming with unshed tears. Suddenly I lost my appetite for revenge.

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**Tell me whatcha thinkin?**


	17. Smackdown Part Two

**Hey guys, I'm not sure about this chapter. Please tell me what you think? The smackdown was supposed to stay verbal but i think with a vampire in the house things could get kinda heated .. Anyways there is a confession that i think will throw you a bit. It sure did me when i wrote it. Like i said, I'm not sure about it so..  
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**R&R!**

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**Last time:  
**

"_I was Quinn's first girl experience after all."_

_Biting the insides of her cheeks, Rachel turned her head away, eyes brimming with unshed tears. Suddenly I lost my appetite for revenge._

* * *

"_San_…"

I whispered softly into the Latina's ear, even though the unshed tears in Rachel's eyes were making me doubt this plan of ours.

"I need to talk to Rach I think."

Santana nodded at me and squeezed my waist for a second and whispered back, hot breath hitting my ear in gasps. I could feel the sensation turning me on already. I was still frustrated and me and San hadn't gotten farther than some heavy make out sessions yet ever since I became a vampire. I wanted to learn how to have better control over my emotions first. I was deathly afraid to hurt her, hurt my best friend.

"Yeah I think so too Q. but I don't think it's time to talk about the past yet."

I looked at her questioningly.

"You know Q., she came here rather suspiciously after we had a phone call from Britt. Maybe she's here for another reason than just to casually drop by and have a good old chit chat 'bout the shit that went down between ya, ya know?

I widened my eyes in realization. Shit, what if she got her memory back? Where the hell is the clan when you need them? Fuck.

Santana saw the panic reflected in my eyes and held just that bit tighter but I wasn't focused on that, my attention was completely preoccupied with Rachel for the moment. What did she know?

"Quinn… I do not wish to disturb you in your private moments with Santana of course, but I did have an ulterior motive for my impromptu visit other than to see your beautiful face again."

I snapped my eyes back to hers.

"Yeah, that's what I figured Hobbit. Just what I told Q. What are you here for?"

Rachel once again fiddled with her fingers as her eyes danced back and forth. It was clear she wasn't sure how to tell us. There was something she was hiding, something she wasn't supposed to tell and it complicated her question so much she just didn't know how to handle it. I figured she'd gotten a call from Brittany and just jumped into the car and drove here. It wouldn't surprise me to know she probably left the lights or the stove on and forgot to tell her own husband she was gone. The impulsive streak in Rachel somehow seemed so much a part of her character that it would never change, so the next sentence came as a shock to me.

"I thought about how to address this, how to phrase my question before I left this morning. I drove around for a while but somehow I do not find a suitable starter for this so I will just say it the way it is forming in my head right now."

"Oh you don't say? My, my, Rachel Berry actually thought things through. Isn't that a new thing Quinnie?"

I nodded and held on to Santana this time because I knew the name Brittany would come up soon. Clearly San felt it too. The way Rachel eyes Santana as she spoke made it quite obvious. So I prepared myself and San for the blow.

"I received a call a while ago. From a concerned, well, acquaintance we'll say and it had me very worried. I don't think it's necessary to add that the call was about you Quinn."

I just looked at her with a blank expression. How much did she know? It was the only thing circling around in my mind right now. Santana just kept on glaring, the usual.

"You had been sick apparently and more importantly you had not been seen or heard of in three months. All Santana's attempts to locate you were in vain and when Britt – I mean, the concerned acquaintance, had also used all her resources she came knocking on my door, figuratively of course."

Santana didn't flinch, she didn't even wince at the slip up, she seemed just as focused on the fact that maybe Rachel knew what was up. I hadn't told San the complete story yet, I only told her I had attacked Rachel in a weak moment and Nate had helped me to cover it up by erasing Rachel's memory of that day. Of course since we didn't know there had been a call involved from Brittany we hadn't erased that as well.

"And strangely enough I remember the call, I even remember getting in my car but for some reason what I seem to be, almost forced, to remember is that I went to the supermarket to buy some tofu and vegan ice cream for my meal that night. I remember distinctly going home and spending the night with Finn, which is impossible because he was nowhere near New York at the time."

I held my breath at the information we got. _Shit._ Reality and our cover up had clashed and now _she was so close to figuring it all out_!

"And now I got another call from _said acquaintance_ asking me why the hell I didn't call after I found you alive and well? I got yelled at for a good fifteen minutes before I told her I didn't remember finding you, I never even** remembered** going to check on you. It's confusing me to the point where I think I'm going mad! There is something there you know.."

Rachel points at her head. Santana snickers.

"Really? You have a brain up there _Tranny_? Since when?"

Rachel glared hard at Santana before locking eyes with me again.

"I know it's _there_ and it's **blocking** me from remembering. I need _answers_ Quinn. I need to know what I _saw_! I need to know what these are!"

This time she's pointing at her neck and I go pale before their eyes. I know what she's referring to. I know that those are the little, almost freckle like scars.

"There has been this **pull**, this thread and I didn't know where it was pulling me or what it was till I stood right here, in front of your door. And all the explanations I can think of our mad! And I just, I need _answers_!"

In the meanwhile I pushed San away and stood there trembling. All these emotions were clouding my mind, her scent was so strong as she ranted about everything. But it wasn't until she pointed at those scars that I started to feel sick. I was disgusting and I had done that to her. I'd given her real scars. I felt so much hate cursing through me as I thought about it. But before I knew it a pair of hands found their way to my arms. In a matter of instants I was completely surrounded by warmth and this overwhelming flowery smell and small short breaths on my neck and her breasts pressing into my back. I couldn't control myself especially not when she whispered those last words.

"I can't get your **eyes** out of my head. That flash of red, that _primal_ depth. They haunt me."

I slammed her up against the fridge as angry tears poured down my face. I heard Santana telling me to stop, to control myself, to use what they had all been teaching me all these weeks but honestly none of got through to me. None of it. All I could see were those scared brown eyes, peering up at me. All I could smell was her fear laced with the barely there arousal. I hated her so much, for making me feel like this. She knew, or some part of her knew.

"Tell me."

She looked at me with confusion.

"Tell me what you're feeling **right now.**"

She blinked but did not speak.

"Come on **say** it."

She blinked again.

"You _know_ what I am."

She just stood there.

"If you remember my eyes, you sure remember this."

I bared my fangs at her. Tears rolling down her cheeks as well. Her eyes said it all.

"And I'm sure you know where _those scars_ came from."

She gasped with surprise as I touched them lightly.

"So here is what you're going to do. _Unlike_ last time, you're going to listen to me when I tell you to _leave_. You will forget about this again. If Brittany asks you came here and you saw me and San **playing house** but instead of me slamming you up against the fridge, you couldn't deal with the situation _and left._ Now you're going to go home and make a nice meal for Finn and later tonight you'll fuck him Rach. You'll fuck him and if you ever think about me again you'll get a headache so bad you'll _never_ do it again. Got it?"

I saw her nod and released her. It was weir doing this. Compelling someone for the first time felt like you were being the most despicable person on the planet. Controlling someone like that, as exhilarating as it was, felt like such a dangerous addictive thing that I wanted to have this over and done with.

'Yes Quinn."

I step back and look at her with pain wrecking my body. All the while Santana just stood there, tears dripping down her face as well. I'm sure she could hear the pain, the bitterness in my voice as I compelled her. She stopped yelling the second she knew what I was doing. God it was so bad to do this to her. So disrespectful.

Rachel kept on looking at me with those big doe eyes and then she said something that threw us all for a loop.

"So **this** is how you did it _last time_ huh?"

I watched her face contort with anger.

"You just made me _forget_?"

She shook her head as if collecting her thoughts.

"Fuck **YOU** Quinn!"

I just kept on staring as she balled her fists at me. It hadn't worked.

"I can't go home and cook **FINN** a dinner, I can't go home and **FUCK HIM** since he isn't here. He hasn't been here in over a year! And do you know why?"

I shook my head.

"Because we're on a break right now. **THAT**'s why."

I gasped as did Santana. _Fuck no_.

"No."

"Ay dios mio!"

I shook my head and backed away. _That wasn't true._ It couldn't be. _Fuck_. She was messing with my head. _I'd been so mean, i said those things._ _Shit_.

"**No**."

Her eyes softened. Mine hardened, shifted, making room for something else.

"You made me _remember_ Lucy, but i think I never forgot. The second I saw your face again I **knew** I couldn't forget what happened. The way you looked when i found you, the way you looked _at me._"

I took steps backwards until I had my back pressed up firmly against the counter. I was backing away from her. There was something pushing, clawing, forcing me to get to her and just throw her around. _Throw her to the ground._ I wanted to overpower her, show her why she couldn't forget. I felt so possessive and righteous. Like something inside me knew she could never forget. _She was mine. MINE._

I shook my head, trembling with fear. _She needed to leave._ I looked desperately at Santana. She knew what I wanted and went for Rachel. But the latter wouldn't have any of it. She ducked away and shoved Santana so she fell hard on her ass. Santana cursed in Spanish and lunged for her legs. Rachel just jumped away from her grasp and yelled right back at Santana, once again shoving her back. All the while I felt her approaching, there was something happening between us. I wanted to stop it. I wanted her to leave but at the same time I felt the urge talking over. I tried so hard to push it down. This was not how it was meant to go. Once again I couldn't make her leave.

"Your eyes they **haunted** me! They were so scared, so hurt, so desperate. I wanted to wipe that look off your face and replace it with a smile. I needed to take care of you, that instant! that's why i ran to you. I couldn't stand to watch you in pain anymore. It brought up too much. I felt so guilty."

She looked as if she meant it, it felt honest enough. Santna froze mid step, sensing teh movement in my body, she could see the subtle signs that were telling her the change was coming, it was coming fast too. _This is getting so out of hand._

"These scars they've been itching and I felt like I was _dying_ every time I touched them. Like I _knew_ something but then again I didn't."

I just watched her touch her neck subconsciously. Licking my lips, I just wanted to feel that soft flesh under my lips again. I gasped, surprised at my line of thought. Fear once again flooding my mind. I held my arms in front of me, stopping her from coming closer. _This is all going to go wrong in a matter of seconds._

"I have been getting myself together, preparing myself to _finally_ come see you. I was scared, so frigthened and i didn't understand where it came from."

Santana grabbed my hand but I pushed her away. _This was too much._ This was all I ever wanted to hear but it felt so wrong. San wrapped her arms around my waist but I managed to break free in a blink of an eye. Something was pushing in me, pushing me aside. The venom had already spread, the fangs were already out and I could feel the emotions being pushed aside. Like something was clawing out of me i felt a sharp pain inside as it ripped me apart. I didn't think I'd ever get to hear this. I felt so confused and messed up. _Why was she doing this. Why was she apologizing? Why didn't she forget?_ The thoughts were quickly pushed into the back of my mind. I could feel the monster taking over. I knew I was losing. _Oh how different this was supposed to go!_ I just had to flaunt San in her face, get her to see how she'd lost me. I jut wanted to show her I'd moved on. _Even if that was a lie_. But now i was so tired of fighting, tired of keeping it all, of keeping control. _Here she was, the object of my affections, on a break from her husband, reaching out to me._ She felt like mine for the taking.

"I'm _so sorry_ Quinn. I'm just so sorry that I **hurt** you in the past! I **need** you to forgive me, _please Quinn!_ I can't do this, I can't forget _you_ or what **happened**."

She approached me and I snarled angrily as I took steps towards her as well. Behind me San was holding her breath, praying under her breath. Rachel just held her hands up in surrender. _Don't come closer. I'm losing it! Can't you see that? RUN!_

"When you **bit** me, something _changed_. I don't know what but everything I _tried_ to bury, all those** feelings** they just came back up and wouldn't leave me alone. I knew I _had_ to see you again even if at the time i didn't understand why. But now i **do**! Just _looking_ at you was enough to start remembering."

She stood in front of me and when she stroked my cheek tenderly I grabbed her tightly by the hair as I forced her to kneel in front of me on the floor. _If she'd be begging she'd do this right._

"Quinn, _please_!"

And that's when I knew I lost all control over my body, the monster was out. Santana was screaming as i towered over the petite brunette in front of me. Rachel was kneeling, looking so desperate, so delicious. _MINE._ I would make sure she'd remember it from now on. _She was mine._

"**Please**."

I laughed at her face hard before baring my fangs, getting ready to plunge into her soft flesh once more.

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**Yeah, it took quite a turn there didn't it? I don't know i think it's how i'd feel if my Rachel Berry would come up and tell me she's no longer with her boyfriend.. Like she's mine for the taking after years of holding back my feelings,desires, dreams and of course if i'd have this crazy vampire monster inside me that's just desperate for blood as well..Anyway R&R please? I might change this chapter if it's no good...  
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	18. Christmas cookies

**Hey guys, Uni has been hectic liek always and i'm starting with what we call "the block" the day after tomorrow. Basically it means locking yourself up in your room to study your *ss off to pass the exams in January. So here is another chapter. I'll try to write another one tomorrow, it will be from Santana's point of view tho but after you've read this you'll know why! ;) let me know what you think?**

**Oh and massive thanks to those who are following this story or favorited it! It means so much to me and i want to give all of you kind reviewers some of my freshly baked christmas cookies because your input is not only appreciated but is just so useful to write this story! I have no beta or any help whatsoever so the mistakes are all mine.**

**R&R! And enjoy!**

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**Last time:**

"_Please."_

_I laughed at her face hard before baring my fangs, getting ready to plunge into her soft flesh once more._

* * *

I felt the sting in my neck and before I could even comprehend what was going on I was screaming bloody murder and curling into a tiny ball as the fire erupted in my body. I felt like I was on flames, my insides burning and everything I ever was came to dissolve in a cloud of pain. Before my body could hit the floor, a strong pair of arms circled around my waist as they held me up against a softer body. I desperately flung my arms behind my head, grabbing at the person holding me up as the waves of pain hit me like the ocean tides crashing to the shore. I felt tears sliding down my face as comforting ears were whispered against the shell of my ear. I tried to concentrate on the soft pants of breath hitting the side of my face as the pain slowly started to fade away. I willed my eyes to open and realized I was pressed up against a crying Santana. I felt the tension leave my body as I slumped once more in her hold. I pushed myself to turn around and stare her in the eyes. My heart rated calmed and I felt the stiffness settling in my bones. I nuzzled my face in the crook of her neck as I heard her heartbeat return to normal. One thing I heard that was out of the ordinary were some sniffles and hiccups coming from behind me to the left. I whimpered against Santana as I remembered wh was here with us in the room. This person who had watched me become the worst of the worst of myself. A person I had wanted to dominate as I feasted on her blood. Someone I wanted to mark, claim as my person, mine.

I released a shaky breath and inhaled the spicy cinnamon smell I had gotten so used to. It calmed me immensely. Where my body used to relax and grew comfortable at the scent of floral shampoo and strawberry perfume it now panicked and tensed defensively. Places had been switched and although my monster still seemed oddly fixated on the little brunette, my heart only ached now when I saw her.

I knew she was it for me though, I'd never love someone like I had loved Rachel Berry but she'd hurt me so deep I didn't know even if I wanted to, which I did, I could forgive her for playing with my heart like that. She did say she was on a break from Finn though, for a year already. Seems like the giant messed up real good this time. A year seemed like so long to go without your significant other. After all, Rachel had always said Finn was her destined to be with husband. I always laughed about it, the way she had said husband. I used to think she would think that she'd ever mary a woman. She always specified the husband part when she defended him to me over the summer before we left for college. Soon enough he was emitted into the army and he got shipped off somewhere to defend the American or play hero. At least this time he was doing something he deserved the credit for. But still, she had said they were on a break. It wasn't like she had some epiphany and divorced the ogre. They were still together, thus she still loved him. Ergo she didn't swing by to confess her undying love for me, apologize for the hurt she caused me and promise to do everything in her power to prove to me that she deserved a spot in my life. Yeah, that fantasy isn't happening anytime soon.

I looked up to watch Santana's face, stuck in a scowl with a murderous glare directed behind me. I knew she would blame Rachel for this, for what had happened. But to be honest it wasn't really her fault. How was she supposed to know that looking in to my eyes would bring back the memories Nate had erased that day? How was she supposed to know my monster still recognized her as our true love, our soul mate and thus I would try and claim her as such? She couldn't have. It was all a happening led by uncontrollable circumstances. I cleared my throat slightly as I winced form the slight rasp I had because of all the yelling. San looked at me and watched intently as I gave her a soft shake of my head. She sighed deeply and pulled me a bit closer before nuzzling her nose in my hair, breathing me in. it felt nice to know she needed to feel me present as much as I needed to feel her in this moment. I had turned into a monster before during training sessions, as was to be expected. Sometimes they called me down without the use of vervain and sometimes they didn't. They would inject it into my neck, directly into my blood stream so that the effects would be faster. I knew San must've felt guilty resorting to the most painful option but I honestly felt glad. She'd stopped me from letting my monster have its way again. It all just reminded me that I had a long way to go before I'd be a true, controlled, trained vampire. Somehow I wondered if Rachel would always have this effect on me or whether I'd be strong enough one day to resist the pull towards her.

"Why don't you go and write a letter to teen Beth, huh Q-ball?"

I pierced her dark chocolate eyes with mine as swirls f caramel danced around in her brown orbs.

" While you're at it get that recipe from that _blog_ you were talking about, yeah? We'll get started on those Christmas cookies after that and make post cards to send to everyone. Holidays are getting closer each day Blondie and I know how you go into _psycho bitch mode_ tryin' to get this joint goin' without a hitch, so.. Better get started, yeah babes? We gots another **dozen** more mouths to fill this year."

Her facial expression was soft and strangely cheerful when she offered me the distraction I so desperately needed to get myself back together.

I pondered the idea. I hadn't written a letter to teen Beth in a while. I had however sent postcards and pictures of me and San during the years I spent at college and after that, when getting my first job.

Beth had become a beautiful little ten year old. She looked more like me with her hazel piercing eyes and her strong jaw line and her thin but rosy red lips. She was slightly tanner than me but not nearly as tan as Puck was. My pale complexion kept that from happening. All I could hope for was that when she'd hit puberty she would inherit more of Puck's genes than mine. She could use a fast metabolism without having to pop pills or attain a strict diet in order to stay in shape. I also knew that the famous Puckerman smirk would serve her well, so long as she kept on being a bit more rational like me and not let her hormones guide her way through high school like her birth father had. I chuckled.

I had been writing to Beth all these years, telling her all about high school and puberty from my point of view. Some letters were about studying and certain classes or the importance of knowledge. Others were about not making the mistakes I did, not letting popularity rule your life. Some letters were about the good times I had when I was on the cheerios or singing my heart out at Glee club but others told her about the harsh life of a Fabray. I revealed more to Beth in these letters than I had ever told anyone, including San and Rachel.

One day I'd let San read the letters before I handed them over to Beth. For now I kept them in a shoebox under my bed and sent her postcards made out of funny pictures I took with San and before the break up, with Brittany. I remembered sending her four post cards covered with mine and Rachel's faces. Not thinking that it was weird that I was best friends with her legally so called sister who herself, had been given up for adoption when she was a baby.

I looked behind me to find striking brown eyes staring hard at me. As I looked in them I saw only concern and utter sadness swirling in them and affection. I hardened my gaze and pulled back out of the comfort I was basking in. I pointedly stared at her before locking eyes with my spicy girlfriend.

"Good idea. Let's go with the gingerbread cookies okay baby? Those are easier to make and since we'll have _so many_ people over this year I need to make sure they all get to taste the _awesomeness_ that is my **delicious** holiday food."

San chuckled at my bravado and gave me a playful shove before glaring over my head again. I heard the sound of Rachel grunting as she got up from her curled position in the kitchen corner. She was going to stop me from leaving the room, she would want to talk some more. But I wasn't interested in what she had to say right now. I wanted to find that recipe and bake cookies dammit.

"_I know you do_, go get that recipe baby. I need to have another chat with our _uninvited guest_ here before she has to **leave**."

The pointed glare she gave Rachel was enough to silence the sound of footsteps approaching.

"You do that but _remember_ Sanny, be nice yeah? We have to treat our guests with grace and kindness whether they're invited or **not**."

My voice sounded fake and mocking I knew that, but to anyone who didn't know me I sounded friendly and polite, just like I had been taught. I was gaining my strength again as I pulled off a righteous Fabray smile towards Rachel before kissing San softly on the lips. Sighing lovingly before skipping past Rachel out of the kitchen and up the stairways. I needed to find my recipe. I wasn't going to let anything or anyone interfere with my Christmas planning. I gasped. Oh I had so many things left to do! Walking in to the study I turned on the computer, determined to leave tumblr for what it was and focus on the task at hand. This Christmas would be the best so far.

* * *

**So whatcha thinking lovelies? Let me know!**


	19. Lucy is gone

**Hey guys, sorry for not updating so long but Uni is really stressfull. With exams right around the corner tho, i need some time out so i wrote you this! If you're nice and R&R for me i might just write another piece... So show me love you lovelies!**

**Enjoy!  
**

**Santana's POV**

I turned around to meet the gaze of the midget the second I saw Q-Fab's delicious ass disappear up the stairs. I'd never get enough of ogling that woman, I swear.

The hobbit looked positively frightened, probably thinking I'd start telling her about the razor blades hidden in my hair. Not that there ever were any, I just liked to scare the hell out of people. It was expected of me really. Who else would protect little Britt and Lucy from the harsh world?

Turned out, Lucy Q needn't fear the world outside, when the monsters lived in her own house. I shook my head sadly. There was so much to know about Quinn, yet I knew I didn't even know half of it. All me and Britt could do was try and put her back together and work on her social skills every time she came back from that house. Her father's yelling and beating only ruined our work when he was home so the days he spent away fucking his cheap whore on a so called business trip, we'd get to see Lucy. Now that was the nicest girl ever, even sweeter than Britt. She loved to read and draw pretty pictures. She saw the beauty in everything and taught it all to my bubbly blonde.

But one day that was over. She became twelve and her parents forbid her from seeing anyone that summer. She was a disgrace to the family and she would have to change. It was all she said to us. We held her as she told us she'd be changing schools. Her father had taken away all her books and her glasses too. I cried when she pointed to her pretty hazel eyes and said that her father wanted her to wear contact lenses since her eyes were the only natural thing about her that looked pretty. And then she disappeared for a while. Me and Britts knew we had to stay away or we'd never see her again. And there she was the first day of school, attending McKingley High just like us. But she didn't look like Lucy, she wasn't even called Lucy anymore. It broke both our hearts when we watched the elegant swan in front of us, being berated by her father already. Or maybe he had been warning her? We never found out. She had smiled at us, politely so but the sparkle was gone. The earnest in her smile, gone. The crinkles around her eyes, gone. It was a devastating sight to see.

It took us a year to become friends with her. A year of fighting and pushing and kicking and screaming. Britt never got through to her anymore, she refused to go and feed the ducks at the pond like we used to. She didn't want to run around and climb trees, she didn't want to talk about how pretty the world was. In her eyes, the world was a grey place with nothing good to offer.

It wasn't until I climbed up the tree to her window that I saw some emotion, even if it was fear.

* * *

_3rd of October, Freshman Year._

"_Santana! What on earth do you think you're doing? Do you want to get yourself killed?"_

"_Hah, and deprive the world of this hotness? Nah, no way Luce."_

_She scowled as she let me in. I ungraciously tumbled on her bedroom floor with a loud bam. Her eyes immediately snapped up in fear as her gaze drifted towards the door. She held up her hand to silence me and waited patiently, counting the seconds in her head. When she was sure her parents hadn't heard a ting she sighed in relief. She turned to look at me with the saddest expression I had ever seen._

"_You need to go San. If he catches us, I don't know what he'll do.."_

_I stood up and grabbed her firmly by the shoulders._

"_We're friends Luce. Okay? It's not wrong to have a friend over!"_

_She shrugged me off and took a step back as her legs hit her bed._

"_It is past nine! And don't call me Luce anymore. It's **Quinn** now."_

_I chuckled and stepped closer until she was forced to sit on the bed. I calmly lowered myself and pulled her into a hug._

"_So we're friends again huh, Fabray?"_

_She giggled a bit but didn't attempt to break out of my hug this time._

"_Pssh. You wish San."_

_I pulled back and stared deeply into her eyes._

"_I do though Luce . So does Britt. We miss you and we **know** you miss us."_

_She looked at her blanket and started fidgeting with it, picking at loose threads._

"_I know."_

"_So tell me, how can we be friends again? What do you need us **to be** so that he'll let us see you?"_

_She looked up at me with eyes full of hope._

"_You'd do that for me?"_

_I patted her gently on her thigh._

"_Sure Q. But depends what it is though. I ain't wearing a **pink tutu** so you can forget all about that."_

_She stared at the wall in front of her._

"_No, I don't dance anymore. I only took ballet because mom said it would help with my **posture**."_

_I looked at her profile, walls were hardening again and her jaw was set._

"_Hmm. Never pegged you for a ballerina either. Though I gots to admit you look the part now."_

_She smiled sadly._

"_I do don't I? How do you like the new **nose** San? Much better than the old one don't you think? And at least I lost the **weight** too. No use trying to fix a posture if you've got too much **fat** blubbering about. Oh and how about my **fashion** sense? Summer dresses look so much more feminine than **shorts and polo t-shirts** right? Don't even get me started on those** silly** pasts times. Reading isn't what I need. I need to be **social** and join lots of clubs. And wear a cross visibly all the time, I am a child of **God** you know. So I was thinking, what else can I add to this mix? What else is there that I am most definitely not but they'd want me to be?"_

_I had stayed silent this whole time. Tears had gathered in both our eyes as I heard her monotone voice sum up everything they changed about her this summer._

"_So I went through their photo album of Frannie, seeing as she's the **perfect daughter** right?"_

_I nodded for her to continue._

"_But there wasn't anything in there that I don't look like right now."_

_I looked at her desperate hands as she balled them into frustrated fists._

"_She's already **so perfect** and I just want to upstage her."_

_She turned to look at me._

"_I need to be **better** than her San."_

_Her hazel eyes shining with unshed tears._

"_It's the **only way** he'll ever love me."_

_I pulled her close as she cried. For the first time in three months I saw the old Lucy again but I feared she'd already lost a whole lot of herself. Gone were the happy and most poetic thoughts and gone were the awkward but honest hugs and playful shoves. This Lucy was more like a shell. Reserved in every way, repressed in every way. She didn't even cry like little Lucy did. She even held back during a break down. That's when I knew, she needed me, us. And I promised her we'd find something. _

_We'd make her better than Fran. She'd be Quinn Fabray, the Prom Queen and most popular girl at school. We'd rule the school and Russell would finally love his daughter._

_That's when we became the Unholy Trinity and exactly a year later we ruled the school._

* * *

**So did you like it? Some background on Quinn here, it's to make you understand Santana has been around for a while so when she puts Rachel in place next time, you guys understand where she is coming from. Besides i always thought Lucy would be really good friends with Britt and Quinn was more like Santana..Okay now thoughts on Santana/OC or Brittana? And what should i do about Finn?**

**R&R you lovely people! **


	20. Game on

**Two chapters in one night, i'm on a roll! Anyways i figured that i've been going a bit slow with the whole faberry thing so i'm giving in to your requests. No they aren't together, far from it but we're heading there. Besides you think Snix just lets someone steal someone that's hers? yeah, that's what i figured!**

**R&R!**

* * *

**Santana's POV  
**

"You have no_ idea_ do you?"

I looked at her with angry eyes as I motioned for her to move this to the living room.

"You haven't got a clue about what just happened?"

I watched as she shook her head, tears threatening to spill once more. My heart ached for a second. She became my friend as well when Q-Ball and Rachel grew closer. She was actually fun to be around and she reminded me so much of Little Lucy that she just grew on me. Before I knew it Britt called us Faberritana and it all started form there. It took us some time trying to find a rhythm though and apologies were certainly in order but when summer was over we all realized we'd become pretty good friends. It was like we were all meant to be like this, it just felt so right. So when she did what she did to my beautiful Q- I couldn't believe it. I refused to believe it but the sight of a broken Quinn crying her heart out in my arms was proof enough. Quinn finally stepped up her game, finally made a move just like Britts and I and even Kurt told her to do and this was what happened? I wasn't going to let the hobbit waltz back in our lives like that and ruin everything we both worked so hard for.

"Well how unbelievable as it is, Quinn is a vampire."

She stared me right in the eyes.

"That much I've gathered Santana."

I scoffed.

"Yeah well, you're taking it _too well_ I think."

"Well what do you want me to do? Run out of this house screaming?"

"Yeah. That'd be _normal_."

"Well I don't see you running either!"

"Why should I? I'm the one who's been helping her through this for the last couple of months! _I_ am the one she confides in, _I_ am the one who helps her go through this all. _I_ see her train with The Gang, _I_ watch her learn and grow every single day. And I am so **fucking** _proud_ of her Berry! You've got no idea how far she's come with this."

Rachel gulped slightly when I pointed an angry finger at her.

"But yet you just come in here, doing whatever you think you're doing and I watch her crumble just like _that._"

I snap my fingers right in front of her face and watch her recoil into the cushions of the couch.

"Quinn's vamp might push her feelings for you back to the surface but I guarantee you Rachel, Quinn herself won't allow anything to happen again. We've switched places now._ I'm_ the one who can calm her down, who can hold her and wipe her tears away. _I'm_ the one she lets in and tells things to. _I'm_ the one she makes the postcards with now to send to little Beth. She bakes _me_ my favorite cookies, she makes _me_ her fresh summer lemonade. It's _me_ she draws on her notepad and it's _my_ arms she needs after a long day of hard work. Not _you_, not _yours_. Yet you walk in here acting like _you_ own the place Well _You_ don't. This is mine and Quinn's house. This is _our_ home and you can't come in here and think you can **fuck** it all up again. I won't **let** you. Now_ leave_."

She shook her head, desperately swinging it from side to side. It was pathetic to watch her grovel.

"I didn't know this would happen Santana! _You don't understand!_"

I laugh at her, hard. I didn't understand. She had a point.

"Yeah no, you are right. I **don't** understand. I don't understand _how_ you could let her walk out of your life like that and _never_ look back. I don't understand how you could marry _Finnept_. I don't understand why after **four years** of not talking to her you just barge in here _the second_ you hear she's sick! I don't understand why you had to come back either. They _erased_ your memory. You should be sitting at home right now watching a rerun of Funny Girl or something."

Rachel sighed and rubbed her forehead before locking eyes with me again. Pain and frustration swimming in her chocolate orbs. I just stared her down. This was no joking matter. I was dead serious. She needed to understand that she needed to fuck off to where ever she came from.

"I had to come back. I don't know why but there was something _nagging_ inside me, something was pushing me towards something and it wasn't until Britt called that I realized I had to see Quinn. It wasn't even a _choice_, I had to see Quinn."

This caught my attention. Maybe there had been a slight problem with the erasing? Could it be he had wrongly compelled her instead of just making her forget?

"So you were like, compelled?"

"I'm sorry – I was _what_?"

"Nevermind, I'll discuss it with Nate when they get back. Maybe he'll know."

"Who is Nate?"

"Another vampire."

"_Oh_."

"Yeah."

"Are there a lot of them?"

"A small bunch yeah, they're helping us with this."

Silence fell and I kept on glaring at her.

"Would you _stop_ glaring?"

I scoffed and flipped the bird.

"I don't see why I should Treasure Trail."

Her eyes rolled angrily and she clenched her fists again.

"I didn't **know** this would happen ok Lopez?!"

She yelled and stood to her feet as she approached me. I stood up as well and shoved her backwards.

"You just shouldn't have come in the first place! You should've just **stayed away** from us! She was doing _so much better_ until you came along! We were getting things back together again! Building _a home, a family_! We finally found a place to rest our hearts in peace!"

She attempted to shove me back but I avoided it and grabbed her wrists.

"Like I said! I didn't _know_! And besides since when do you and Quinn become _Misses and Misses_ Family all of a sudden?"

She broke free from my grasp and threw another murderous glance my way.

"Since **both** of you _destroyed_ us!"

I stood there panting angrily as she deflated. Her eyes wide with incredibility.

"You might not have known this but Quinn never wanted anything _more_ than a family. She wanted a warm home, couple of kids, a dog, the whole nine **freaking** yards."

I saw her stand there, with a shocked look upon her face.

"It's not because she never _told_ you that she didn't dream of it."

Again nothing came out of the midget.

"And after Britt and I got together I understood why anyone would want that."

Her eyes became sad again and I watched her leg twitch as she refrained herself from moving closer.

"But you two **fucked** - **us** - **up**. _Badly._"

Shame passed her pretty features as her eyes dropped to the ground.

"I was scared."

I scoffed.

"You think she _wasn't?_"

A tear rolled down her cheek.

"Doesn't matter** now** though does it, Man Hands?"

She flinched at the insult.

"Because you _both_ get to watch from the sidelines as me and Q-Fab built ourselves up from the ground again."

Rachel tried to hug herself but I wouldn't allow it, she didn't deserve the self-pity party.

"Oh don't go and feel sorry for yourself. You let her **go** remember? And now she's with _me_."

Rachel looked back at me with fire in her eyes.

"_Maybe so_. Maybe she's with you **now** but you're right Santana. She's only with you because _I fucked up_. And so did Britt. But we're sorry but I am here now. I **won't** leave this time. And I won't let _her_ leave either. I know I've got _a lot_ to fix but I'm going to try anyways."

"You'll **fail** Berry."

She stared right back with a determined look in her eyes. I wanted to believe her but her past actions made it impossible for me to do so. The familiarity me and Quinn had finally established meant to much to me to just let her waltz in here and steal it away from me.

"No. I **won't.**"

And I didn't know what to feel all of a sudden. I knew she and Quinn were meant to be together but I'll be damned if I'll just let her steal my girl form me like that. I smiled evilly, besides there was no way Quinn could just forgive Rachel like that and then there still was the whole 'married to Finncompetent to worry about. If she was serious about this then she was up for a real challenge.

"You'll have you work cut out for you then. I'm already in a much more _advantaged_ position with being her **girlfriend** and all."

The jealousy in her eyes was amusing me to no ends. Hmm, maybe Berry did turn gay for Fabray after all. This could've been a lot of fun in High School perhaps but now it was a dead serious thing. She might break Quinn's heart again and I didn't trust her. I was pretty sure Nate wouldn't trust her either. Nevermind Quinn. I smiled sweetly and clacked my tongue.

"I **won't** hurt her this time."

I looked at her incredulously.

"I know you don't believe me and you have no reason to, which is why I'm going to **prove** myself to you. _All of you_."

I chuckled humorlessly.

"And how are you planning on doing that Stubbles?"

She straightened up and nodded with a strong determination.

"I'm _divorcing_ Finn when he gets home in two months."

I eyed her suspiciously.

"The papers have been drawn up for a while now. His mission has just been prolonged every time he was supposed to come home and sign them. We've been over for a while now."

Shit now that might give her an upper hand in this situation.

"So? You're divorcing the Jolly Green Giant. You shouldn't have married him in the first place **Berry**."

She rolls her eyes, annoyed.

"Yeah I know _Lopez._ And that's what I'm telling him when he gets here."

I narrowed my eyes at her, trying to see if she was lying.

"I'm not lying Santana. I'm **serious** about this."

I eyed her skeptically.

"I didn't want to approach Quinn before I had that settled and was ready to start a new life but I guess circumstances led to this."

I turned my back to her. This was all happening so fast. Q and I had finally gotten our lives back together. This was all coming at us so fast. I couldn't lose Q thoigh, not yet. And i knew Q-Fab still needed me more than she needed Rachel right now. But somewhere in the future that might change. And i knew i wanted to be happy for Quinn, since her soulmate wanted to fight for her but i couldn't help but be selfish too. I wasn't ready for this.

"I'm not trying to ruin your or her happiness Santana, but we are meant to be together and I'm stupid for letting it take so long before I realized this but I know now. And I'm going to fight for it."

I turned around and faced her, eyes blazing with competition. If she wanted my approval, she'd have to fight for it. No one was just going to sweep in and steal my delicious blonde away from me. Not again.

"**_Let the best woman win Berry._**"

* * *

**So whatcha thinking? I know it's a sudden turn in events but i think it's time Rachel got her head ou of her ass don't cha think? So how do i go on from here? Any ideas?  
**


	21. AN

**Hey you guys, I'm so sorry for not updating this story in like forever but i honestly am suffering from writers block. This is my baby, this is the first step I made in the world of publishing my stuff on and I love it but I am at a loss here.**

**Idk if any of you want me to continue this fic or even what you want to see happening here.. And I am kinda at a loss about what to do with this story.**

**If any of you are still reading this, following this I ask you to be patient with me. If anyone wants to become my beta, please step forward cuz I could use one with this story.**

**If none of you follow or read this anymore I will probably discontinue this and just get on with my other stories. It will be hard but I feel so stuck I don't want to waste time trying to write mediocre shit that ruins this story instead of just leaving it as it is.**

**So yeah.**

**Sorry guys.**

**Love,**

**Kiki**


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